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Last week’s column was written during my recent health scare; this week’s is being written as I’m recuperating, sober, and thus in a terrible mood. So to make it easier on myself, I’m going to dispense with three different rants. Maybe there’s a connecting theme, maybe there isn’t.

We’ll see as we go.

MAGA-Morph Activate!
A running theme of mine is the similarity between MAGA and the worst of black America. I’ve covered this ground before, especially regarding the J6 rioters. MAGA squealed excuses for them in the same language as a black thug caught by the poe-leece.

“They didn’t do nuffin’! They wuz set up! The cops wuz violent, not us!” And when finally confronted with video evidence, “Okay, maybe we wuz violent, but dat’s da language o’ d’oppressed!”

Ditto how the right’s adopted “we’ze victums” as a blanket excuse for bad behavior and self-pity. Remember last year’s “Dave word of the year”? Overcorrection, and the example I gave was how forty years ago there were few female movie action heroes, and actresses had every right to complain. But now we have an overcorrection in which female action heroes are damn near all there is.

Similarly, during the Bush and Obama years, conservatives shied away from getting too racial when it came to things like affirmative action and open borders. You could criticize those policies on principle, but never race. And now we have an overcorrection in which white rightists have become so racial, they’re aping the whininess of blacks. “We’ze bein’ genocided! We’ze shutted out of jobs! We can’t get wives! We can’t have kids! We’ze bein’ replaced!”

Slow down, okay? Whites were getting the short end of the “grace and favor” stick for decades. But nobody’s being genocided. Disfavor toward whites is not helped by overstatement.

I mean, has any black radical making the genocide claim ever swayed you?

You can rattle off to the average black guy every “grace and favor” blacks get in government, academia, and the job market, and they’ll still claim they’re being genocided. Because once your brain goes there, that mindset becomes like dopamine. You need it, regardless of your actual reality.

“And here I find my shared theme across all three of this week’s segments: the insincerity of it all.”

So now, the final act in the “MAGA goes black” tragicomedy.

In May 2020 I wrote about the young black thugette who was a driver for DoorDash in the Oakland/Berkeley/San Francisco Bay area:

After being buzzed in and handing the food to her customer, the DoorDasher, now alone in the lobby, gathered the packages piled under the residents’ mailboxes and calmly walked out with them. Most of those packages were Christmas gifts. The thief’s image was caught clear as day on the security cameras; she hadn’t even attempted to hide her face. More than that, her identity and her vehicle’s make and plates were on file with DoorDash.

But nobody cared. DoorDash didn’t release her name, and the cops never asked for it.

Oh, you rightists! You were as outraged as I was. And you knew damn well that when thugette realized she’d gotten away with it, it was nuthin’ but high fives from her ghetto pals. She likely became a local hero.

How very black!

And how very MAGA. Steve Bannon just pleaded guilty to defrauding MAGA in the “Build the Wall” embezzlement scheme. This is the crime for which he was pardoned by Trump as his coconspirators went to prison. But he couldn’t be pardoned from state charges, so a few weeks ago he admitted his role in the fraud, got zero jail time in a plea deal, and on his podcast and at CPAC it was all high fives and sieg heils.

He’s a hero!

He stole way more than a few packages and he got away with it. And for that you love him.

At least thugette stole from whites and Asians, not “her people.” But Bannon stole from you. That makes your adulation worse. And whatever your rationale for still supporting Bannon, it’s the same rationale as blacks who support their thieves. The exact same.

I can never write a story like that May 2020 one again. I can’t muster the same outrage anymore. Pig to man, man to pig, pig to man…I can’t tell the difference anymore.

Cabrón Credits
Not that I don’t still seek new ways to slam the left. This one caught my fancy recently. Elon Musk is being courted by politicians in his birth country of Ungabungaland to bring Tesla and SpaceX to a nation where the average worker is paid in chewing gum wrappers. But there’s a hitch: South Africa (the Anglicized name of Ungabungaland) has an official “black empowerment policy.”

“At least 30% of the South African operation of any Musk-owned company would have to be sold or donated to black locals.”

Christ…enough SpaceX rockets explode as it is. Can you imagine the outcome with blacks in charge?

But here’s the fun part: Musk wants to do business, and SA’s corrupt leaders want him to do business. So it turns out the government has a work-around for just such a situation: the “equity equivalent.” That’s the actual term. “Equity equivalent” allows white foreign investors to pay their way out of the 30% requirement. Just give free shit to the Bungas in charge, in the name of “social investment,” and voilà, you don’t have to give black locals any stake in your company.

It’s carbon credits. You remember carbon credits, right? Governments and NGOs established “emissions caps” because apparently “the world is on fire” so fossil fuels and electricity and natural gas must be eliminated. Sure, it was easy to seize inhalers from elderly asthmatics and ban plastic straws, but billionaires were not about to give up their private jets and luxury yachts, and they sure as shit weren’t gonna stop heating their mansions in winter.

So the “carbon credit” system was invented. Rich people send money to the environmental czars and NGOs as a “tax” for continuing to live luxuriously; Al Gore flies his private jet around the world, but he pays a carbon credit fee likely no steeper than restaurant tip money.

Of course, if you really believed “the world’s on fire,” you wouldn’t let the people causing it pay their way out. The carbon credit scam exposed the emptiness of climate change hysteria. The climate alarmists just want money.

And that’s SA’s “equity equivalent.” The SA leaders don’t give a damn about “the locals.” The “30% black stake” requirement is a shakedown, a way to get white billionaires to gift the ruling party a new cannibal grill for the backyard.

BTW, negotiations between the SA leaders and Musk regarding the size of his “donation” are not going well. If you noticed Musk recently tweeting a lot of critical stuff toward SA leadership, that’s why.

Sorry if you thought it was “white patriotism.” Nope…just business.

Guile Hitler
Speaking of blacks…

Let’s take a trip back to October 2022. That’s when Tucker Carlson had his BOMBSHELL interview with Kanye West.

Remember that?

According to Tuck, it was the most important interview he’d ever done! But oddly Tuck doesn’t talk about it anymore.

Wonder why?

Well, maybe because Tuck told you, the loyal viewers, how the interview proved that Ye is NOT CRAZY! Indeed, Tuck mocked the very notion that anyone might think West is mentally unstable. Tuck dismissed such talk as the deceitful whispers of WOKE LEFTISTS furious that a PROUD INTELLIGENT BLACK MAN had unapologetically crossed over to the right.

Yep, if there’s one thing Ye isn’t, Tucker declared, it’s crazy.

Of course, as would soon come out, Tucker edited out the parts of the interview in which Ye was acting batshit. And while Tucker was assuring you that Ye was of sound mind, knowing full well that he wasn’t, who was telling you that Tuck was lying, and that Ye was on a downward spiral and his instability was gonna get worse and worse?

Me. I said that. But where’s my parade?

And I’m curious, as so many of you love Tuck, worship Tuck, follow his every word…does it bother you? Does it bother you that in October 2022, mere months before Ye started his “I love Hitler, enslave the Jews” padded-room routine, Tucker told you with a straight face that Ye’s the sanest man he’s ever known?

Because Tuck was either lying to you, or he sincerely believed what he said even having viewed the edited-out footage, meaning that Tuck can’t identify crazy when he sees it.

Those are the only two options. Tuck’s either a liar, or a man of such preternaturally poor judgment that his opinion on anything should be dismissed out of hand.

My guess is that most of you prefer to memory-hole the Tucker/Ye episode rather than face the ramifications of thinking about it too hard.

I pick on Tuck a lot, so I want to make a larger point. Tuck went down that Ye road for two reasons. Obviously, the interview was an exclusive and Tuck would interview Hitler’s charred dick for an exclusive (hell, I’d want that interview too). But the other reason was the right’s compulsive desire to have a black best friend. Rightists bitch all the time about blacks, but nothing lights up a rightist’s eyes like a black buddy. Tucker gets that. He knew that the moment Kanye wore a “White Lives Matter” shirt, you guys would become the old blind man from Bride of Frankenstein: “So long have I prayed for a friend. My loneliness is over!”

But that whole “fawning over any black who smiles at you” thing makes rightists come off as thirsty. Desperate. If you’re the majority, as most rightists believe they are, don’t take scraps. That includes blacks and Nazis. It makes you look like the school nerd hanging out with the school retard because you can’t find a friend anywhere else.

Tuck cynically edited out the crazy stuff knowing that he faced no consequences. He knew that if Kanye went batshit, you guys would memory-hole Tuck’s involvement.

As you did.

And here I find my shared theme across all three of this week’s segments: the insincerity of it all. Perceptive left-leaners like Alexander Cockburn saw “carbon credits” for what they were: a scam. It led him to question climate change entirely. Cockburn’s long dead, but I think he’d see South Africa’s “equity equivalent” the same way. I doubt he’d cheer it.

And it’s getting harder for me, purportedly a right-leaner, to “cheer” in this column. You want another piece about black crime? Why? To deflect from the right’s current love affair with rioters and cop-beaters and its own Al Sharptons (and that’s all Bannon is, right down to the flamboyant hair)? You want insincerity, and I’m not gonna play to that. I’m not Tuck. My lede in that Ye interview would’ve been “Black celeb has mental issues.” But you wouldn’t have wanted such honesty.

Of course, by “you” I don’t mean all of you. My core readers appreciate honesty, and they’re who I write for.

And very happily so.