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The late, great, anti-immigration British politician Enoch Powell, when once asked by a barber how he would like to have his hair cut, is alleged to have replied, “In silence.” In this, as in so many other matters, Enoch was right.
When most people visit their local barbershop or hair salon, they go there with one aim and one aim only: to get their bloody hair cut. If various eco-loons out there today get their way, however, customers may soon walk out wishing they had just had their bloody throats cut instead. A covert new program of exploiting such innocuous-seeming institutions to indoctrinate their customers into a state of extreme climate despair is now reaching its ominous Green-dyed extensions out across the Western world. Pretty soon only the terminally bald will be able to escape its soul-rotting clutches.
Cut-and-Dried Arguments
One nation whose citizens today appear particularly dejected by the never-ending warning of existential doom being force-fed to them day in, day out, by the climate-compliant media is Australia, where you may have thought citizens would have been used to dealing with high temperatures, but apparently not: Kids in particular are feeling more and more down and under Down Under.
In 2021, Australian MPs went so far as to lobby their government to fund sending priests into the country’s schools to give suicidal children succor due to the “alarmist” eco-message they were being drilled with by their lefty teachers, which, argued dissenting politicians, was “robbing children of hope” and “causing mental health problems.”
It certainly was. In fact, some brain-warped students were becoming so mentally disturbed they were storming straight out of lessons and marching back home, before accusing their parents of being genocidal planet-murderers.
“What kind of ‘organic’ conversations will now ensue in the previously innocent barber’s chair?”
According to Paul Frasca, the founder of Sustainable Salons, a “profit-for-purpose” company (re: a commercial enterprise that makes money out of marketing itself as being ethical) that recycles plastic shampoo bottles and other such essential hair-care products, female hairdressers in Australia were, disproportionately, the young mothers of even younger children.
And Australia’s schools now being far fuller of propaganda than of priests, continued Frasca: “These [women’s] children are coming home and they’re yelling” at their parents, furiously accusing them of killing the entire Earth and, thereby, their own futures. Thus, such harangued hairdressers increasingly wished “to be on the right side of history” in their offspring’s eyes by signing up to as many daft eco-causes as was humanly possible, Frasca said.
Paloma’s Faith
Canny activist employers had already spotted this trend and were eager to leverage it to advance their own ideological ends. In 2023, it was reported that a hair salon in Sydney was being adapted by its climate-paranoid owner, Paloma Rose Garcia, into becoming a disguised talking shop for Green issues, with posters saying things like “This salon chats about love, life & climate action” being pinned up there.
As “relationship builders” whose female clients chatted to them about various intensely personal issues like their love lives, abortions, periods, hairy moles, incontinence, hemorrhoids, and more, Garcia and others realized hairdressers and barbers were in a perfect position of shared emotional trust in relation to the general public, as a cadre of “unpaid therapists.” Therefore, if they exploited common chitchat with customers about the weather, opportunistic scissor sisters like Paloma could easily abuse their position of confidence to disingenuously maneuver the conversation around to what might be causing the current sunny spell or spate of rain showers—i.e., CO₂, it causes all weather, under all circumstances.
Enthused by her newfound hallowed mission in life, Paloma soon expanded operations from her own individual Sydney salon into a whole nationwide campaign, “A Brush With Climate,” providing training sessions for more than 400 other professional hair-snippers.
According to admiring left-wing U.K. newspaper The Guardian, this was a truly great idea, as “hairdressers have a unique role in societies.” Yes, they cut people’s hair. But not anymore—that is to become just their mere secondary and inferior side purpose from now on.
Hair ’Em, Scare ’Em
Paloma’s campaign has now spread globally, including to Ireland, where, earlier this April, University College Cork proudly announced it had received 63,000 euros in funding from the Irish government (more accurately the Irish taxpayer) to extend the whole Brush With Climate idea to Irish salons, too. Led by academic Dr. Maria Kirrane, the arrangement was intended to begin with “a specific focus on towns that have negative experiences from climate-related extreme weather events”—but are there even any such places existing in largely temperate Ireland?
Whether they really lived in a town that had just been destroyed by a hitherto-unnoticed Second Great Flood or not, citizens were henceforth to be told that they did by their accredited hair-care professionals nonetheless. In Dr. Kirrane’s own words:
Hairdressers and barbers not only provide a service for people; they are a real hub for conversation and social spaces within a community. Their reach is broad and gives the possibility of reaching a cohort of people that may not be involved in local environmental groups and the usual pathways of climate conversation and action. The relationship between client and hairdresser is a deeply personal and trusting one.
Yes, so let’s now completely betray that trust, then! What kind of “organic” conversations will now ensue in the previously innocent barber’s chair? “Something for the weekend, sir? After all, we do need to control the global population these days, don’t we?” Or how about “Going anywhere nice for your holidays this year, madam? You’d better feckin’ not be, or I’ll report you to the Climate-Gardai!”
Shampoo and Mental Re-Conditioner
What is just as sinister is that, as Dr. Kirrane further added, in order to provide data to judge how well the scheme was going, hairdressers’ customers would need to be subsequently monitored for “any perceivable change in attitude” toward the environment.
How? By following them home and installing secret CCTV and audio bugs? More likely by having haircutters abuse their clientele even further during future visits by having them steer conversations inevitably toward topics like “So, how many yogurt pots are you washing out these days, Siobhan?”
Where does this kind of gross abuse of the public trust logically end? Who else will be co-opted into becoming hired shills of the coming totalitarian World Eco-State? One justification for using hairdressers as the spearheads for such a subliminal conditioning strategy was that it was a “profession which exists in every town,” while Australian academics further noted that the fact that haircutters unavoidably had to physically touch their clients while offering their services made them even more trusted. Do these same two criteria not also apply equally admirably toward prostitutes, however?
University College Cork promises to “co-create role-play exercises with hairdressers which will be tested and implemented in salons,” but this could even more easily be done in brothels, many of whose employees are already experts in acting out such services. When asked for a simple blowjob, escorts could be primed to reply, “Sorry, love, I don’t eat meat anymore,” and then spend the next twenty minutes lecturing their client as to precisely why not, with the aid of a wide variety of state-approved figures, graphs, and diagrams. (An eco-friendly brothel did actually open in Berlin in 2009; punters who arrived on public transport or by bicycle received a small discount.)
Being Green-Pilled
Besides prostitutes, one of the other comically inappropriate professions I initially imagined also being roped in to such campaigns was that of doctors. The scene is easy to imagine. “Have you ever considered converting to driving an electric vehicle at all, Eamon? Please bear in mind that if you answer no, I’m not prescribing you any more insulin.”
But then I looked it up…and found something like this has already happened. Last summer, Britain’s Royal College of Physicians issued a “Green Physician Toolkit” to all its members, advising them, just like hairdressers in Ireland and Australia, to randomly hijack consultations with their patients so that, rather than just talking endlessly about their boring old cancer or diabetes, the truly committed medic should chat to them about Green issues instead. After all, climate change is the biggest killer of all, isn’t it?
In a special part of the Toolkit, headed “Communicating With Patients About Climate Change,” attentive physicians were informed that “You are uniquely placed as a trusted member of the community to discuss public health threats with patients.” Not for long, once those same patients find out just how badly they are henceforth to be manipulated on the sly.
Various pieces of “useful” advice—cribbed from the World Health Organization, no less—are given out by the Royal College to doctors, such as “Keep your message simple and repeat it often” (particularly useful for patients with dementia), “Talk about climate change during extreme weather events” (such as when attempting to resuscitate someone with severe heatstroke), and “Focus on human health” (when someone comes into your office mistakenly thinking you are a vet).
The Royal College even gives some specific, scripted paragraphs that doctors should memorize and regurgitate to patients on the way out of their surgeries, after handing out all the free methadone they’ve really come along for. Hobbling pensioners just informed there’s no government cash left to pay for their necessary hip replacement surgery will be delighted to be informed, for example, that:
When cars burn petrol, they emit toxic air pollutants that can be bad for your health. Remember to carry an inhaler, avoid busy roads where possible, and consider wearing a mask outside.
Finally, all sick visitors, whatever their condition, are to be advised to “Be alert to the mental health impacts of climate change, including eco-distress and depression/anxiety/PTSD.” All of which conditions, most likely, will have been iatrogenically caused by the doctors themselves, in league with the hairdressers, the prostitutes, and the barbers, pumping a constant diet of this hysterical hyperbole into everybody’s skulls 24/7.
Can you imagine the outcry if trusted service providers were being bribed by the state to pose falsely as their customers’ benign allies and helpers in order to hand them out some dubious right-wing advice upon political matters? If an Irish Catholic priest was paid by an anti-immigration party to receive a sinner into confession and then say, “Hello there, Paddy—have you ever thought about firebombing a mosque at all? I hear it’s terrible good craic!” then I feel objections just may be raised in the national parliament or media.
Maybe we should not be overly surprised by the sudden appearance of this whole phenomenon, however. Most modern-day journalists and politicians are already well used to being salaried to peddle obvious misinformation to the public while simultaneously pretending to be their friends, so they probably can’t see anything much wrong with it all anyway.