Tony Blair

Source: Poland

The Week’s Most Blair’s Gaza Rules, Antiwhite Schools, and Ship of Gay Fools Headlines

BLAIR SUPERIORITY
Once the current war in the Holy Land is finally over, what comes next? The next war in the Holy Land, probably. But just in case harmony between Arab and Jew does somehow arrive during the remaining lifespan of the human race, well-known Middle East peacemaker Tony Blair has just been commissioned to devise and implement a new post-occupation plan for governing Gaza, the key plank of which unsurprisingly turned out to be “Gaza should henceforth be governed by Tony Blair.”

Sir Tony has already performed by far the most important and pressing task of his messianic reign, by coming up with a catchy, focus-group-tested name for Gaza’s new benign dictatorship to be printed on all the region’s tea towels immediately: GITA—or Give It To Anthony. According to a leaked draft plan, GITA will possess “supreme political and legal authority for Gaza during the transitional period,” which makes it sound like Blair wishes to persuade the area’s population to become transgender; the last time he attempted to force such inappropriate liberal Western values on a Middle Eastern nation in terms of post-Saddam Iraq, things went really well.

Blair won’t be sullying his expensive designer loafers with sand by running Gaza on the ground in person, naturally; instead, there will be a series of “remote policy hubs” located across the globe for him to destroy the lives of the region’s people from remotely, located in such salubrious locales as Davos, the Bahamas, Epstein Island, and a big undersea volcano in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Like any sensible dictator, Tony will be delegating out responsibility for various aspects of his rule to devoted underlings, or “leading international figures with executive and financial expertise,” by which Blair means his rich friends who will later give him some lucrative quid pro quo sinecures on their boards once the whole enterprise has collapsed into complete humanitarian and economic disaster. Rather than a government as such, Blair wishes to model his regime upon an international business, with a corporate command structure, chairman, and CEO; but if Gaza is a business, what does it actually have worth selling anyone? Cheap secondhand human organs? Pulverized cement dust?

As an indication of how detailed and well-thought-out Blair’s leaked master plan is, it apparently contains “no mention of Hamas” and is a mere 21 pages long; Blair’s own eventual war-crimes indictment list when he’s finally prosecuted at the Hague will be at least twice the size of that.

In order to brush off claims of him practicing arrogant white Western neocolonialism in the region, however, Blair has guaranteed that his governing board will include “at least one qualified Palestinian representative”—qualified to make the tea and wheel it round for serving to his true masters on a little silver trolley. Some board members should also be Muslims from reliable outside regional power brokers like Egypt, says Blair, preferably ones with “long-standing business credibility.” What a shame Mohamed Al-Fayed is dead.

“The last time Tony Blair attempted to force such inappropriate liberal Western values on a Middle Eastern nation in terms of post-Saddam Iraq, things went really well.”

Ultimately Blair sought to reassure any worried Palestinian plebs that “the guiding principle” of his mighty decree would be “that Gaza is for Gazans, with no displacement of the population” to make way for outside settlers. Shame he didn’t have the same idea about Britain being for the British back when he was that country’s own Supreme Grand Caliph.

FAMILY MEAL
To be fair, Blair does have some prior experience in governing a shattered Third World nation—it’s just that said shattered Third World nation is the U.K., and it was a prosperous, stable, and well-functioning First World nation when he first took the place over in 1997. Almost thirty years on, things are rather different.

Thinking Britain still to be what it once was before Blair assumed control, millions of migrants from war-torn lands like Iraq and Afghanistan have been fleeing U.K.-wards ever since Blair himself started dropping bombs on them back in the early 2000s, where they are now forced to reside permanently in roadside motels and travel taverns so cheap and run-down even Alan Partridge would refuse to rent a room in one.

A new BBC investigation has just found that illegal Arabs and Africans have been dwelling in these places so long, they have begun both giving birth to babies and transforming their en suite baths into giant cooking pots, as their rooms have no viable kitchen facilities. If the Africans wash their babies in the baths with the water boiled up hot enough, they can both bathe junior and cook a nice meat-casserole long-pig brisket for the evening at the same time, killing two birds with one stone.

NEVER MIND THE BOLLOCKS—HERE’S THE SEX BRISTOLS!
Meanwhile, post-Blair Britain is now also so excessively full of previously nonexistent queerphilia and state-mandated diversity worship that council officials in the Green Party-controlled English town of Bristol have just passed new guidance demanding women should henceforth be called “people with ovaries” in all council-endorsed communications and services from hereon in.

Furthermore, say the councillors, the term “maternity” must be replaced likewise with the term “paternity,” lest mentally ill individuals who think men can get pregnant become offended and suffer “discrimination” when using NHS natal services; that’s like saying living people suffer “discrimination” when seeking to access immediate funeral services by jumping into a coffin.

But perhaps this post-Blair attempt at deifying deviancy doesn’t go far enough. Councillors also say the word “breastfeeding” must perforce be replaced by “chestfeeding.” Considering that the very word “bristol” is a British slang term for “breast,” why aren’t the council practicing what they preach and demanding the whole town be gender-neutrally renamed “Chest,” too?

SHIP OF FOOLS
If Tony Blair tries to get Gaza to go even one-tenth as queer-tastic as Rainbowland Britain now is, he may be in for a nasty surprise. One question put to Bristol city councillors during a public meeting was how politicians planned to respect trans rights and local Muslim women’s equal legally guaranteed right to female-only spaces simultaneously. Rather than try to answer, the Lord/Lady Mayor Councillor Henry Michallat merely called the question “offensive” and tried to shut the query down.

Mayor Michallat would feel equally uncomfortable aboard Greta Thunberg’s distinctly un-shipshape-and-Bristol-fashion Green flotilla heading out toward Gaza at the moment stocked up with “vital” supplies of empathy, warmth, and pure, concentrated “Look-At-Us-Aren’t-We-Good-Ness” for the poor, oppressed people she thinks are being subjected to a genocide by Israel. The progress Gaza-wards of this Global Sumud Flotilla, as the fleet is called, was severely disrupted this week after one of the onboard activists, Saif “Needy” Ayadi, came out as a proud “queer activist” determined to deliver not only aid but AIDS to the region’s needy.

“We’re here, we’re queer, we support the cause,” Ayadi said, even though “the cause” in this case is Hamas, who tend to either execute or imprison homosexuals. Less supportive was flotilla coordinator Khaled Boujemaa, a devout Muslim who promptly resigned his role as captain of the Narrenschiff once he realized there was a rival rear admiral on board, fearing the crew might suffer an “internal rift” at Ayadi’s hands; depends on how big his Pillar of Mecca was.

Frustrated by the unbreachable logical conflict between sacred left-wing gayness and sacred left-wing Muslimness, Greta Thunberg also announced that she would be stepping down from her position on the flotilla’s board, probably to join Tony Blair’s GITA one instead: Greta Is Tony’s Ally.

In mitigation, Anal Ayadi blamed the “Zionist lobby” for his shocking sudden downfall. How so? The only clue is what the Israelis did to try to disrupt the flotilla themselves in the immediate run-up to Ayadi’s coming out: Their electronics experts hacked the ships’ radios to make them blare out ABBA songs at top blast. Was Ayadi even gay at all before exposed to such highly camp content?

Either way, the crew of the flotilla was lucky. If it was Zion-friendly Agent Morrissey or Leonard Cohen the IDF had chosen to start playing at top volume, they would have just become too sad to continue and committed suicide by throwing themselves all overboard immediately.

FAILED STATES
In truth, Tony Blair is only able to dream of taking over Gaza as his own personal fiefdom (spelled “thiefdom”) thanks to staunch support from the genuine geopolitical muscle in the region in the shape of the United States: Both Donald Trump and his thing-in-law Jared Kushner are backing Tony’s plan and have helped draft it. But what hope is there of the Americans running Gaza even remotely competently or harmoniously when their own nation is increasingly becoming a torn-apart shithole full of hopeless failure back home itself?

A truly telling symbol of the complete dysfunction of American government came last week when the FBI warned that its own website used for the reporting of cybercrimes had been spoofed by cybercriminals itself to steal victims’ personal details and money. The Feds cautioned web users not to just google the site’s name, but to carefully type in a specific domain address and not misspell it; there are those who might say that, if you manage to misspell the word “FBI,” you deserve all the trouble you get.

Sectarian strife and racial recriminations, meanwhile, are even worse in the USA than in the Arab world at the moment, as ably proved by the case of Leslie Chislett, a white New York schools admin worker who has just won permission to sue NYC authorities after they subjected her to various antiwhite “training courses” about subjects like “implicit bias,” forcing Leslie out of her old job. When asking a non-white employee why she was late to a meeting, the subordinate snapped back with the arrogant words “How dare you approach me out of your white privilege!” while another training leader once declared in Leslie’s presence that “There is white toxicity in the air, and we all breathe it in.” They should send the stupid trainer out to live in Gaza and breathe in some genuine “white toxicity in the air” over there—in the shape of white phosphorous dropped straight down their throat from hovering Israeli helicopters.

In a vain attempt to promote political harmony, some unnamed artist had the bright idea of erecting a large statue of a loved-up Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein holding hands and skipping in Washington’s National Mall this week, “in honor of Friendship Month,” but it was taken down by spoilsport U.S. Park Police within a matter of hours. Put it back up in Gaza, once Blair’s in charge; a true culture-bridging monument to the shared fate of fucked children everywhere!

CLUELESS IN GAZA
When Blair does become Gaza’s CEO, who will he be appointing to his board as his subdivisional Corporate Heads of Department? One good bet with extensive prior knowledge of running a large, violent, and unruly Muslim settlement is London mayor Sadiq Khan, who was criticized recently at the U.N. for being “a terrible, terrible mayor” by Donald Trump, a man who had ensured that London now “wants to go to sharia law.” In return, Khan called Trump “racist, sexist, misogynistic, and Islamophobic,” but no doubt he also has his bad points.

Being able to implement sharia across an entire previously secular-governed metropolis might make Khan an excellent contender to become his fellow Labour Party member Blair’s No. 2 in running Gaza as the Hamas-Continuity candidate, and indeed the highly successful Caliph Khan has advised people to “Ignore the haters” like Trump as, under his rule, “London is the GOAT,” as in “Greatest Of All Time.” Don’t some Muslims like to sacrifice goats? Khan certainly has with Islam-ruined London.

An ideal rich international businessman to add to Blair’s GITA board alongside Khan might well be Alex Soros, son of George, whose left-wing Open Society Foundation “charity” is currently under investigation by Trump’s allies for allegedly helping fund extremist political violence across the country. With a record like that, even Hamas might be open to letting Soros have a say in the running of Gaza—were it not for the fact that Soros is, of course, a Jew. Then again, some of the bodies Soros has given away his billions to are said to have “applauded” Hamas’ Oct. 7, 2023, attacks on Israel, so maybe this is one international Jew whose string-pulling ways the jihadis could live with?

Perhaps the grand GITA plan does have some ultimate armistice-bringing logic to it after all, then. Just imagine: Forced to live the rest of their lives under the “enlightened” despotic combined rule of Tony Blair, Donald Trump, George and Alex Soros, Jared Kushner, Sadiq Khan, and Greta Thunberg, it wouldn’t be long before the downtrodden hordes of Gaza were crawling across the border to Benjamin Netanyahu and begging him on their knees to bring a final peace settlement to the area for all eternity—by nuking the whole place to put every last one of them out of their misery forever.