M aybe you’re not into Hallmark-like movies. I’m not, either, to be honest. But you may be aware of the New York Times best-selling author Karen Kingsbury. She and her husband recently put some of their hard-earned resources into getting a movie into theaters based on one of her novels, both titled “Someone Like You.” It was an act of courage and faith and could be a cultural game-changer if people care to notice.
Recently, the subject of in vitro fertilization has been in the news, courts, and legislatures. A former president of the United States even talked about it in a recent video statement. It’s an issue that is so intimate and painful — stemming from the deep suffering of infertility. And probably the last headlines couples suffering this tremendous pain need are about politics.
And yet, Donald Trump, as he was giving himself credit yet again for ending Roe v. Wade (which had a lot more to do with people on the front lines of love and advocacy for 50 years), had what might seem to be cynically callous comments about the hope of IVF treatment. Most couples who experience infertility could never afford the morally and medically concerning treatments. IVF isn’t always successful, but it creates embryos — new human life — who sometimes wind up dying, or being frozen, and are then subjected to ethical debates about embryo adoption.
As I’ve discovered her new movie and some of her work, Kingsbury has become a bit of a hero to me. She and her husband have biological and adoptive children and have a foundation that helps families adopt — including embryos.
We don’t really talk about these things. And politics is probably least helpful in such instances. Entertainment, however, is a beautiful way to start tender conversations, which is Kingsbury’s goal.
The movie based on her book is so powerful because it’s not about politics or apologetics. It’s about humanity. A couple resorts to IVF because of the agony they are experiencing in wanting to raise children. But there can be a domino effect of confusion and pain for every human life involved. Kingsbury opens a window into this experience without judgment but with total compassion. I’d like to think that the desires of Kingsbury’s heart and her prayers can be heard and realized irrespective of ideology.
What Kingsbury accomplishes, as good artists do, is telling a story about humanity without being heavy-handed. She’s a Christian, and some of the characters clearly are, too, but subtly, with the kind of grace that people of goodwill might appreciate.
I spoke with Kingsbury recently about the movie, and I mentioned a young man at a secular school in New York City who had shared with me that a young female friend of his had asked him how he could possibly be Catholic and pro-life and not hate women. Here’s the ground on which we must meet. Human relationships based on trust, which enable us to actually talk about things that matter without the polarization of so much of the culture.
Trump went on about how we must support “the availability of IVF for couples who are trying to have a precious baby.” And then he cowardly told California and New York to do as they like on abortion policy. For those of us who believe abortion to be the human-rights issue of our lives — for which both God and history will judge us — that’s just wrong.
Recently, Kamala Harris became the first U.S. vice president to visit an abortion clinic. There’s something quaint about it in a way, because most abortions don’t happen in clinics anymore. She chided pro-lifers for somehow forcing women to have miscarriages in their homes because of the end of legal abortion. In truth, the abortion industry now has women — and girls — having abortions in their bathrooms and dorm rooms. There is a cruelty to it that I would hope and pray we could all agree has to be remedied.
Harris went on, at Planned Parenthood in St. Paul, Minn., about how “extremists” are denying “women access to reproductive-health care.” She said: “I’m here at this health-care clinic to uplift the work that is happening in Minnesota as an example of what true leadership looks like, which is to understand it is only right and fair that people have access to the health care they need and that they have access to health care in an environment where they are treated with dignity and respect.”
The extremism on the left and in the media (sometimes, these are the same thing) meanwhile makes the situation worse. People are confused about what’s true, and even doctors and lawyers are on edge, worried about lawsuits and about the possibility of being the subject of the next news frenzy about life after Roe and Dobbs.
No offense to politics — which I have valued for most of my life as a noble and critical vocation, though increasingly less in its current state — but what Kingsbury is doing could be much more important. People living their lives, watching what is essentially a love story, seeing all the complications and pain that come not just with infertility but also with IVF. Don’t let politicians get away with cheap lip service to human misery. Without being preachy or overbearing, Kingsbury in Someone Like You opens an overdue discussion about how we might be giving false hope and also hurting people — and children.
There are children alive in the United States today who need families. Meanwhile, surrogacy and IVF are trendy. Politicians probably won’t lead the way in changing the trajectory we’re on. But artists like Kingsbury just might.
This column is based on one available through Andrews McMeel Universal’s Newspaper Enterprise Association.