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National Review
National Review
31 May 2023
Luther Ray Abel


NextImg:The Corner: Why Pride Onesies Are Wrong

Phil Klein, an open-minded man and NRO’s editor, tweeted and then wrote an opinion about clothing retailer Kohl’s producing a children’s clothing line for “Pride Month” — that 30-day festival for the state and corporate religion celebrating alternative lifestyles and queer sexual predilections.

“Why should [what a baby displays on his onesie] matter?” Phil asked. Responding to Phil yesterday, Madeleine Kearns made a fair concession regarding proportionality (graphic onesies with dopey images are small potatoes and make the complaining parties look silly) but followed that with a cogent inquiry, “Why do LGBTQ ideologues continually project their controversial adult ideas and behaviors onto children?”

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This debate matters because a baby’s torso isn’t a billboard for his parents to earn ideological points, and because paying $10 for a onesie is asinine. To the first point, this controversy brings to a head what has long been the New Jersey Boardwalk–ification of everyday clothing, from booty shorts to tees. Sexual innuendos and bootleg LooneyTunes abound as vendors print provocative words and symbols on a Hanes T-shirt for $35; the purchaser relishes others finding his shirt tawdry. That same selfish impulse, now unlimited by an online marketplace, to announce opinions from one’s midsection is childish. But that’s adults doing adult stuff — tacky as it may be.

With children’s clothing, off-putting becomes hideous. Placing politically charged messaging on a baby’s onesie is equivalent to a seventh political bumper sticker askew on the back of a rusting 2010 Kia Sedona minivan. It’s simply gone too far, indicating mania.

Pride flags on a stroller as you walk in the parade? I don’t love it; however, they’re removed from the child’s person. But semi-permanently attaching these messages to a baby is gross.

Babies bedecked in the full armor of intersectionality are to be pitied, because they had the misfortune to be raised by loons who hide behind children to jab at their opponents while accruing “Allyship” ducats.

Most damning, the images of displays show Pride items 50 percent off — and only a fool buys anything from Kohl’s that isn’t at least 60 percent off. Even accommodating for additional savings using the Midwest’s alternative currency, Kohl’s Cash, there’s something profoundly wrong with paying ten dollars for a consumable item like a onesie when cute alternatives with elephants and giraffes can be had for three dollars.

Shelling out for a more than 300 percent mark-up on a transitory item that brings outside validation not for the child but the parent, is prideful . . . so, fitting.