The Academy Awards were not a total embarrassment. From jokes that were actually funny to pronatalism on stage, it might just be a new dawn in Hollywood.
Last night’s Academy Awards lacked the politicized chaos and cringe of former shows. Having watched all of Hollywood’s Super Bowl, I must admit I was pleasantly surprised by the lack of progressive posturing among the glitterati. (To be sure, the bar was through the floor.)
Hosted by Conan O’Brien, the show included a joke at the expense of a transwoman, an anti-crime skit, a pro-baby acceptance speech, and almost no mention of left-wing political priorities.
O’Brien’s monologue was actually pretty fun. For one, he poked fun at once-untouchable topics, including the porch-pirating epidemic affecting Americans everywhere. To display the “arrival” of Jeff Bezos at the Oscars, the stage screens showed an Amazon delivery guy walking on the red carpet and gruffly tossing down a Bezos-sized box.
O’Brien supplied the commentary: “We have footage of Amazon chief Jeff Bezos arriving tonight on the red carpet. This is great. . . . And here he comes, there he is. He seems undamaged. Hey, at least he made it.” The cameras then panned to Bezos’s empty seat as O’Brien asked, “Wait, where’s Jeff?” All watched as a guy in a black hoodie snatched the human-sized box from the carpet. O’Brien moaned, “Oh, for God’s sake! Why?! . . . Look for him on eBay next week.”
Compared to its 13 Oscar nominations, the Mexican-trans-drug-lord-acid-trip of a musical, Emilia Pérez, underperformed. With only two wins, the most-nominated film of the season was by no account the favorite of the evening. (That latter title undoubtedly goes to Sean Baker’s Anora.) Karla Sofia Gascón — the titular star of Emilia Pérez and the first openly transgender person to receive an Oscar nomination for acting — was passed over for Best Actress in favor of the young and beautiful star of Anora, Mikey Madison. Gascón received recognition only when Conan O’Brien referenced the scandal surrounding Gascón´s old tweets. As the camera panned to Gascón, the host joked:
Anora uses the F-word 479 times — that’s three more than the record set by Karla Sofía Gascón’s publicist.
Gascón’s loss contributed to the overall snub of Emilia Pérez — the film did not win any of the “Big Five” awards: Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress, or Best Screenplay. Zoe Saldaña — who plays the overworked lawyer of the titular character — took home Best Supporting Actress. The songwriting team for Emilia Pérez, French composers Clément Ducol and Camille, won Best Original Song for “El Mal.” (Shockingly, another song they wrote for the movie, “La Vaginoplastia,” did not receive a nomination.) When the duo decided to give an impromptu vocal performance during their acceptance speech, they were soon played off the stage.
Kieran Culkin, who won Best Supporting Actor for his role in Jesse Eisenberg’s A Real Pain, gave a much more well-received acceptance speech. He shared the charming story of how his wife, Jazz, promised they could have another kid if and only if he won an Oscar:
A year ago, I said that I wanted a third kid, because she said if I won the [Emmy], she would give me the kid. Turns out she said that because she didn’t think I was going to win. Anyway, after the show, we’re walking through a parking lot. She’s holding the Emmy and she goes, ‘Oh, god, I did say that. I guess I owe you a third kid.’ I turned to her and said, ‘Really, I want four.’ And she turned to me — I swear to God this happened — and said, ‘I will give you four when you win an Oscar.’ I held my hand out, she shook it and I have not brought it up once until just now. You remember that, honey? Then I just have to say to you, Jazz, love of my life, ye of little faith — no pressure. I love you. I’m really sorry I did this again. And let’s get cracking on those kids. What do you say? I love you. I love. I love you.
Sorry Mrs. Culkin, that sounds like an airtight deal to me.
While Culkin is most well-known for his work as a child actor in family-friendly films, he is also a family-oriented actor. As the star of an upcoming Broadway production, Glengarry Glen Ross, Culkin successfully requested Sundays off for family time. In an industry that almost never adheres to the Chick-fil-A labor model, Culkin’s feat was a seismic triumph. In an interview with Vulture, Culkin rejoiced: “Now I get one day a week dedicated to just being a dad.”
With thanks to Culkin and others, I can happily say that the Academy Awards were not a total embarrassment. From jokes that were actually funny — to pronatalism on stage — it might just be a new dawn in Hollywood.