After four years of marriage and two children, singer Joe Jonas has filed for divorce from actress Sophie Turner, explaining that “the marriage between the parties is irretrievably broken.”

The ex-couple released identical joint statements on their Instagram accounts: “After four wonderful years of marriage we have mutually decided to amicably end our marriage. There are many speculative narratives as to why but, truly this is a united decision, and we sincerely hope that everyone can respect our wishes for privacy for us and our children.”

Desiring privacy and presenting the divorce as amicable go hand in hand, so it makes sense they’d break the news this way.

Still, behind the suggestion that you can be in a “wonderful” marriage for years and then have it suddenly break down through no one’s fault is the idea that divorce is just one of those things in life that cannot be helped. Like a car breaking down, it’s disappointing but foreseeable. Therefore, just as it makes sense to get car insurance, it makes sense to negotiate a prenuptial agreement (which Jonas and Turner did).

But marriages are not at all like cars, because people — of which marriages are made — are not mere objects, useful only insofar as they get us to where we want to be. Marriages are families, made up of people to whom we have strong bonds and obligations. When families break down, at least one person (though often more) is to blame. And everyone is worse off.