“If you’re going to be a loser and you have the choice, be a rich loser.” Harry and Megan, former royals and now leading spokespersons for sloth conservation, have made $120 million between deals with Netflix for a series of shows and Spotify for a podcast with few results and a heap of excuses.

The couple appears to have forgotten any of the details following the king’s ransom scribbled into their contracts — merrily producing a dollar-per-work-unit ratio superior even to that of the Texas Rangers’ Jacob deGrom.

The Wall Street Journal reports:

Today, streaming boom times have given way to an era of slower growth and unpredictability. Both Netflix and Spotify have cut shows and movies to trim costs. Both have been underwhelmed by the lack of productivity by the Sussexes, people familiar with their perspectives say.

“Once you’ve launched your bombshell, what’s next?” said Andrew Morton, the longtime chronicler of the royal family.

On one hand, the whole thing is a farce that should be ignored like one would the middle-schooler bicycle gang chucking slurs around at the skate park — engaging with fools is a waste. On the other hand, it’s worth considering those who belittle their families while using said families’ status to advance themselves. What really sticks in the craw about Harry and Meghan is that they’ve won. They’ll never have to work a day in their lives.

But money isn’t enough for the two — attention is the substance in their snuffbox that only ever has one more use before it must be refilled. They’re a never-walking, always-talking cautionary tale for the wise, and #goals for egotists and materialists.

South Park put it best: