H. L. Mencken defined Puritanism as “the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.” We’re many centuries removed from the Puritans, but that moralistic paranoia lingers, particularly among the spiritual (and some actual) ancestors of those early American settlers who even still disproportionately end up in social-engineering roles throughout society.

Their latest scheme shows them to be just as opposed to humor as they are to happiness (unsurprising, since the two often go together). Last month, the Federal Highway Administration announced new regulations (in a 1,110-page manual) for, among other things, overhead signage. In 2026, highway signs will no longer be permitted to be funny, obscure, or allusive, supposedly because “they can be misunderstood or distracting to drivers.” Instead, per the Associated Press,

signs should be “simple, direct, brief, legible and clear” and only be used for important information such as warning drivers of crashes ahead, adverse weather conditions and traffic delays. Seatbelt reminders and warnings about the dangers of speeding or driving impaired are also allowed.

What will we lose with this change? Behold:

Among those that will be disappearing are messages such as “Use Yah Blinkah” in Massachusetts; “Visiting in-laws? Slow down, get there late,” from Ohio; “Don’t drive Star Spangled Hammered,” from Pennsylvania; “Hocus pocus, drive with focus” from New Jersey; and “Hands on the wheel, not your meal” from Arizona.

This is a dumb decision that only a highly technocratic mind would consider smart. Drivers are more likely to pay attention to unexpectedly amusing messages than to boring, technical text they’ve seen before. Defaulting to messages of the latter kind also makes driving just a little bit less fun, and makes different parts of the country just a little bit less unique. These fun-sucking bureaucrats are doing their predecessors proud and depriving the rest of us of yet another minor pleasure. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And now it’ll be an even more boring drive.