Somehow, he managed to leave the Democratic Party officially more ‘woke’ than it was when he joined it.

Ladies and gentlemen, pork futures are officially down. Politico’s Elena Schneider reports a late-breaking scoop on Twitter/X this afternoon: The vote of the Democratic National Committee is in, and the party’s grandees have voted to invalidate the February elections of both Vice-Chairman David Hogg and his counterpart Malcolm Kenyatta. This means a new election for both positions will be held immediately over the next several days, concluding on June 17. Needless to say, David Hogg was expected to lose, and he has now announced that he will not even bother to stand for the election at all. (He did not submit a candidate video for the revote, which made his intentions clear.)

Spare a thought for poor Malcolm Kenyatta, who now has to run for his position again through no fault of his own. Don’t waste too many tears on the Philadelphia-area Pennsylvania state representative, however. According to Dave Weigel of Semafor, the matter is now apparently all but a formality for him: The new rules of the vice-chairman’s race, post-Hogg, are that the two positions must go to a man and a woman apiece. Kenyatta, conveniently, is the only male running — his position is secure. Now three unknowns will vie for the remaining seat to make sure that the DNC vice-chairmanship “features sufficient representation of women.”

It is to laugh, of course. The idea that the DNC had to pull such a shabby trick — invalidating their own election on a transparent pretext, and such a hilariously cliched one at that — to end Hogg’s rampage is the glorious capstone upon this entire sordid mess. They have solved their problem — with David Hogg, not with the primary elections he aims to compete in or the youth voters he aims to persuade — at the cost of disgracing themselves. Ken Martin now has undivided control over the DNC — at the cost of his dignity and manhood. I hope it was worth it.

As for the man of the hour, I’ve been flaying Hogg and roasting him over a spit for the last four months, all with the foreknowledge of his inevitable, impending doom in mind. I knew the good times couldn’t last. I have tried to make the most of it. But the end is here. I won’t waste an enormous effort here — perhaps a retrospective for next week’s Carnival of Fools is in order, once the vote wraps up — but I feel like it’s my duty to send him off one last time tonight. Let’s fit the apple in our young hero’s mouth as we prepare for the luau; this Hogg has finally been cooked to a crisp. I’ll miss ya, li’l buddy.

And hey, at least David Hogg can be proud of one thing: Somehow, he managed to leave the Democratic Party officially more “woke” than it was when he joined it.