Amy Schumer, best known as a comedian, was the subject of derisive remarks after she appeared on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon to promote the new season of her television show. People commented that she had gained weight, particularly in her face; she was compared to an animal, the Muppet character Miss Piggy, and a Cabbage Patch doll. 

In a social-media post, Schumer responded by describing an ongoing struggle with endometriosis, a disease characterized by tissue similar to the uterine lining growing outside of the uterus, for which she has previously undergone surgery. Schumer wrote: 

Binge both full seasons of [Life & Beth] and thank you so much for everyone’s input about my face! I’ve enjoyed feedback and deliberation about my appearance as all women do for almost 20 years. And you’re right it is puffier than normal right now. I have endometriosis an auto immune disease that every woman should read about. There are some medical and hormonal things going on in my world right now but I’m okay.

I’m grateful to see that Schumer is raising awareness for a common disease that is so often missed or not properly treated; it affects roughly one in ten women but takes years on average to be correctly diagnosed. I’ve written about undergoing surgery for stage 4 endometriosis, and I have profiled other women who suffered from the condition. I frequently receive messages from strangers saying that one of my articles on endometriosis prompted them (or a female family member) to pursue treatment for the disease. I am always moved by these messages, and I hope that Schumer’s comments similarly inform women about the common symptoms. 

You might imagine that decent people responded to Schumer by expressing sympathy, apologizing for the uncharitable remarks, and wishing her good health. But that hardly happened. Instead, angry Instagram users degraded Schumer because she supports Israel. The replies to her post included the following: (1) “How can you write this as you turn your back against the women of Palestine? You are NO feminist if your feminism doesn’t include a Free Palestine” (2) “U care about women so much what about the women of Gaza?” (3) “Most of us don’t care about the appearance of your face. We care about how you’re still being given a platform after accusing all Gazans of being r@pists. But yeah, go ahead and keep talking about your face.” (4) “Does the love and solidarity extend to palestinians, or you still supporting/advocating for genocide?”

I don’t have any particular affinity for Amy Schumer. I’ve said before that I generally don’t take geopolitical and fashion guidance from the same women. Overall, my opinions differ from those of the performers who make jokes about abortion. I have zero interest in Schumer’s comedy specials, weight, or stances on foreign-policy issues. But I do care about decency, etiquette, and politeness — all of which seem to be in short supply. 

I think that you should not initiate a debate about a foreign conflict when someone admits to struggling with an ongoing illness. If you tell me you have cancer, I’m not going to probe your views on Ukraine. Is this really an absurd standard? There are many indications of a civilized society collapsing, and certainly a discussion of a woman coping with disease degenerating into accusations against her for her views is one of them. I probably disagree with Schumer on most things, but I wouldn’t weaponize my political criticisms to inflict emotional harm immediately after she reveals herself to be enduring a personal misfortune beyond her control.

A society with robust commitments to free speech protects hate speech, and I defend the right of anyone to criticize anyone, even rudely so. Still, I simultaneously expect members of a civilized society to understand that there are circumstances in which you should refrain from broaching certain topics. Of course, this does not suggest that the person’s views are perpetually immune from scrutiny; it only implies that there are appropriate forums for different discussions. It’s a matter of basic manners: Don’t discuss anything bathroom-related at the dinner table, and don’t accuse someone of “genocide” in response to an announcement about enduring a reproductive disorder.