{A } baby. A mother. A father. They are at the heart of the season we are in. And, yet, as Mary Eberstadt points out in her book How the West Really Lost God, all those elements seem foreign to many who did not grow up with a father. Or a mother. And, of course, those who do not have a baby for reasons of grueling inability, or excruciating loss, or fear, or actual choice. Her point is an acknowledgement of reality. And a point of reflection and encounter. Maybe especially in our post–Roe v. Wade world.

One Saturday morning not too long ago, a young woman from a pro-abortion group in New York City recognized me at a pro-life prayer vigil across from the flagship Planned Parenthood clinic there. She screamed to my face, “Kathryn Jean Lopez, what are you going to blame on abortion today?” I confess, I smiled. I thought, “She must actually read me!” If I am not just preaching to a choir, writing satisfies some of my deepest desires. And I do believe that abortion creates more immiseration than we know.

We’ve all noticed that something broke in our culture when the Supreme Court made Roe a historic relic. All the pain that abortion has sowed has unleashed a fury. And not in the way that we first feared. The night Roe was overturned, there was talk of violence in the streets of America. And there absolutely have been attacks against facilities that provide actual choices to women — walking with them, facing all the questions about what bringing a pregnancy to term and choosing a parenting plan might look like. But it has all been more complicated than anyone could have predicted.

And I’ll be completely honest, as someone who has been a pro-life activist and writer for as long as I can remember: It would be ridiculous to not acknowledge that we were unprepared for this moment. When I travel for speaking or reporting, I try to make it a point to visit a pro-life pregnancy-care center or maternity home. I’ll get a tour of the material resources available to women: baby clothes and cribs and all the things a young mom needs. Such centers are everywhere. Goodness, even in Jerusalem earlier this year, I was able to tour the warehouse and ministering facilities of Efrat, which cares for women in Israel who find themselves pregnant and in need. They have been around since 1977 but have been reinventing their ways in light of October 7, to reach people — and, of course, mothers, including those whose husbands have gone to the front lines of the war — in all the ways they need.

My point: All around the country and the world, there is help for women who want to choose life. The Heartbeat International network is key to this. The March for Life every year in January isn’t just about marching and talking but about representing so many of those resources. And the March for Life has branched out to state marches throughout the year. But I also know that most people have no idea that any of this help exists. Often, when I talk with people who consider themselves pro-life, they aren’t aware of what exists in their own backyards.

Another thing that concerns me: If you are a young girl who is pregnant and afraid, is a pro-life person in your life the last person you would confide in? (Please come to us! There is love, not judgement!) Here’s the thing: We are all in this together.

I say this on Catholic and other Christian and other faith-based campuses all the time: If you think you don’t have pregnant students on campus, that’s because they are getting abortions. As you may be aware as a human being, when you put young boys and girls together, some things are going to happen that might lead to pregnancy. Obviously, you teach the ideal of waiting for marriage. But it’s not breaking news that this doesn’t always happen. I’m so grateful that schools such as the Catholic University of America in D.C. (my alma mater) and the University of Mary in Bismarck, N.D. (I’m on the Board of Regents), have stepped up to the plate, making clear that they have room and resources for pregnant students and single mothers. They even offer simple things like priority parking spots for pregnant women and pantries for cafeteria staff and everyone else who could use a little help.

As this year winds down, and some if not all of us have the sometimes messy opportunity to spend time with family, I think of recent abortion-related news stories. Politics and law and media are some of the worst avenues for talking about hard cases. They are such intimate situations, and there is so much pain.

This Christmas, I will have on my heart Kate Cox, who sought, and finally left Texas to obtain, an abortion. Her unborn baby had Trisomy 18 and wasn’t expected to live long. That’s a heart-wrenching situation, whatever your position on abortion. But the reality of our politics and law and media is that the issue falls into a Left-vs.-Right fight. If you make the mistake of following it on X (formerly Twitter), it seems as if you are watching a game of Whac-A-Mole. And yet we are referring to human lives. I don’t know about everyone on X, but my heart goes out to Cox. What agony. And yet, I’m close to one family who has had at their heart a girl with the same condition, living far longer than could ever have been medically expected.

A baby. A mother. A father. As we see in the Nativity scenes, whatever we believe religiously. What more can we do to make that possible? And where the father isn’t what he should be, where can we be the love that is needed?

For there to be peace on earth, we need the family. That’s not an ideological position but a human reality for all of us, in various roles.

This column is based on one available through Andrews McMeel Universal’s Newspaper Enterprise Association.