The first time I mentioned opening our relationship to Achille (first name changed) was via instant messaging. I was in Colombia on an academic exchange, while he had stayed in Belgium to work. We had met just before I left for Latin America. I was interning with an organization where he worked. Over time, we got to know each other, and it clicked. So, when I flew off a few weeks later some 8,000 kilometers away, we didn't plan to see each other again. We hadn't even had time to put into words where we stood.

But days went by, and that boy I had met just a few weeks ago remained in a corner of my mind. One, two, three messages... Soon enough, I realized I was telling him everything. Then I slipped in a message that an exclusive relationship was not an option for me. He replied that it didn't scare him, that he was even up for it, but he wanted to talk about it when I got back. Five months later, here I was: Back on French soil, with Achille, happier than ever. We decided to try an open relationship.

As a teenager, I had no other role models than the "exclusive" couple. Around me, family and friends all adopted that system. My first love, at 18, was exclusive. Then, at 20, in my music class at the university orchestra, some of my classmates had much freer relationships. I realized from talking to them and listening to a lot of podcasts, that I didn't want to belong to anyone anymore. I wanted to be able to meet different people without worrying about belonging. Shortly afterward, I met a girl I really liked, and I told her I wanted to experiment with an open relationship, which she accepted.

We had rules in this relationship, a "contract." The most important one: If you felt you were developing feelings for someone else, you had to stop. Easier said than done, since feelings can't be controlled. And sometimes it's already too late. In the end, the relationship was too unbalanced, we were in the middle of a pandemic, she was on Erasmus in Greece, and I was stuck in France. She met more people than I did, and it was difficult. We weren't on the same wavelength, so we decided to end our relationship.

With Achille, I date who I want and it's the same for him. He doesn't date as much, he's a bit older than me and already in professional life, unlike me, as I'm still a student. On my end, if I like someone, I tell them very quickly that I already have someone in my life, and that even if something happens, I won't be able to make a full commitment. That's important for me, for Achille, but also for the other person, because sometimes people are looking for an exclusive relationship that I can't give them. When I'm out for the evening with Achille, it's out of the question for me to leave with someone else: We arrive together, we go home together.

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