FLUIDS ACCORDING TO MAÏA

Let's face it: Sex is an activity (and an organ) that gets wet. This summer, Maïa Mazaurette is donning her diving suit to introduce us to these fluids. Gentlemen first, let us start with sperm, a liquid capable of generating desire, worship and disgust.

– Practical fact sheet: Originally from the Latin sperma, spermatis, sperm is composed of spermatozoa obviously, but not only. According to Wikipedia, it contains seminal fluid, polynuclear macrophages, growth hormones, stem cells, nutrients, trace elements and epithelial cells. If you ever get the urge to feed on semen (called seminophagy), each ejaculation would provide you with 150 milligrams of protein – not much. For the 45% of French women who have already swallowed it (according to a 2021 IFOP survey), you're in the proper dietary frame of mind: Semen has a Nutri-Score of A (provided, of course, that your provider doesn't have any sexually transmitted diseases, such as herpes or hepatitis B, the full list is available here).

– Number: A man produces 1,500 sperm cells per second (National Geographic), an average of 1,500 terabytes of information per ejaculation... despite sperm quality having halved in less than 50 years (Human Reproduction Update, 2022).

– Hygiene: In the minutes following an ejaculation, semen changes from a gelatinous appearance to a much more liquid consistency, whose life expectancy in a dry environment can be counted in years. Watch out for lingering stains (especially on little dresses, as former US President Bill Clinton can attest)!

– Symbolism: Epicurus said sperm was "a detached part from the soul and body." Saint Thomas Aquinas, meanwhile, called it a "divine substance," no less! The French sex therapist Gérard Tixier took note of this glorification in the only book entirely devoted to sperm that was published in 1994 Le Sperme ("Sperm"): "It feels as if man were endowed with a genuine spermatic consciousness, which leads him to equate his sperm with brain droplets, with living words." Not a reassuring sign for the future of male intelligence, given the worldwide drop in sperm counts. But sperm's sacred nature can easily be explained by the great civilizations' concern for fertility. This has led to contradictory messages: Semen is a gift, but one you must know how to withhold.

– Spleen: As far back as the days of courtly love in the Middle Ages, sperm retention was seen as befitting to avoid "the dreaded post-coital sadness" (Michèle Dolin, Duels Eternels, Duos Ephémères, "Eternal Duels, Ephemeral Duos," 1989). What boy hasn't felt a touch of melancholy a few seconds after ejaculating? For Tixier, this small sensation opens the door to downright metaphysical questions: "[male] insecurity remains a major concern as if this fluid confronted with its permanent loss forced each of us to face his finitude." La petite mort ("little death") has never been so aptly named.

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