The first time my mother disowned my partner, Emin (first name changed), was the very day she met him, three years ago. He's from Azerbaijan and I'm from Luxembourg, and we met in France, where we were both studying. We'd already been together for a year when I organized a brunch for my mother to meet him. It was a disaster.
She found out he was Muslim, whereas I'd told her he was an Orthodox Christian because I knew she wouldn't have wanted to meet him otherwise. While I was in the bathroom, she asked him what his religion was. He didn't realize how important the question was to her. He replied that he was Muslim, but non-practicing. She remained polite, but was very cold throughout lunch. And afterwards, she reacted very badly. She told me it was a disgrace, that she never wanted to see him again. She even criticized him for having an accent, even though she and I both have one – we're Luxembourgeois!
It's absurd. We come from a Christian family but we've never been churchgoers, it's more of a cultural thing. It's the same with my boyfriend, and religion has never been a subject for us, or for his family... I'm not ashamed of my life, I'm not doing anything wrong. I love my boyfriend and the life I have with him.
Since that day, talking about my partner has become taboo. When we're together as a family, it's a very odd situation because everyone knows, but nobody talks about it when my mother's around. Nobody asks me any questions. My whole family is in Luxembourg, but he's not welcome there. My mother never says my boyfriend's name, it's always "that guy" or "that dude." It's a heavy burden, and I feel like I'm living a double life: my life here, where all my friends know Emin, who I'm living with now, and my life when I go back to Luxembourg, where I pretend to be single!
I never talk about Emin. It's unhealthy, but it works.
Yet my father, my brother and my grandmother have no problem with him or his religion. My father is neutral, he just doesn't want to get into a conflict with my mother. So he doesn't say anything. But sometimes, when my mother goes shopping and we're home alone, he asks me a few questions about Emin. As for my paternal grandmother, she adores him! We see her every Sunday on a video call, every Christmas she asks me why I don't bring him along...
With my mother, apart from the subject of my companion, we have a pretty normal relationship. But actually, can you really say that, when I'm silent about half my life? It works well because I never talk about Emin. It's unhealthy, but it works.
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