"Living apart together has drastically changed my life (...). You go out on dates and then sleep over at their house, and then you come home," said American Joanna Dahlseid (182,000 subscribers), 31, on camera in a TikTok video. Her motto is to put "money before men," as her life program announces. Then, this "mompreneur" – mother and entrepreneur – unrolls her ultra-dense agenda as a divorce negotiation coach, as if to prove that she has no time to devote to her partner. Nevertheless, she regularly packs a small suitcase to go and see him, if and when she feels like it. Welcome to living apart together (LAT).

In the American media, the expression originally had a very different meaning. In 2008, in the wake of the subprime crisis, it was used to describe separated parents who were forced to continue living under the same roof, as they were financially unable to do otherwise.

More recently, the term has evolved to refer to a couple who do not live under the same roof, the result of the rise of personal development and individualism, female emancipation and the liberation of morals. According to a French Institute of Demographic Studies report called La famille à distance ("The Family From a Distance"), published in 2018, there are more than 1.2 million French people living this way. Among them, six out of 10 are under 35.

Often made up of young, highly educated urbanites, these generally childless couples have usually experienced a tumultuous separation during a previous relationship, punctuated by a bitter-tasting move. So, when these lovebirds get hitched again, they keep a safe distance from this potential trauma, don't get too involved and try to share only the "good times," avoiding chores like taking out the garbage and the smells of stomach bugs.

With a fluctuating topography (his place or hers, as the case may be), this couple breaks away from convention. Shared living is the main convention, with its daily hassles expressed in sentences starting with "What are we having for...."

Gone are the evenings when, slumped on the sofa, two pairs of ears twitch when the all-too-famous Netflix "tuh-dum" sounds. Why waste another 40 minutes agreeing on a lukewarm film to watch together, the fruit of an unsatisfactory compromise, when you can be a couch potato alone at home in front of your favorite Godard film in velvet pajamas?

To finally be at peace with themselves and others, the LTA couples understand that it's better to have one's own nest. This is what the members of this geographically separated couple shout from the rooftops, because living apart together is more than just a trick: It's a real identity.

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