Paris, July 25, 2023

Dear readers,

Yesterday, I spoke to Sasha on the phone for the first time since her return to Ukraine on June 30. We went 24 days without speaking. It's been a while since we've had such a long break, but I feel like we're exhausted after all the emotions we experienced together during her trip to France. We needed to remain silent. As we talked, we realized that our symptoms were almost identical. Sometimes I think we're united by bonds that go beyond our understanding.

July has never been my favorite month, but I have to admit that we broke all records. I got depressed right after Sasha and Mom left. I had no energy for anything. And this little voice in my head kept saying, "Come on, Olga, stop complaining, you're totally safe, in a peaceful country, you have no right to be weak." I went to talk about it with a shrink.

According to her, we don't yet know how and to what extent the war is affecting everyone's mental health. I feel like a small part of a whole, that of the Ukrainian people who are suffering. The news from the front and from Ukraine in general is not making things any better.

The attacks on Odessa, which was bombed every day last week, the russian blockade [Olga and Sasha chose not to capitalize "putin," "russian" and "russia"] of grain exports to the Black Sea... So many have died at the front. Our human resources are not infinite. And we're losing civilians every day because of missile attacks in the towns near the front, but also in the regions further back. There's no safe place left in Ukraine.

In fact, I'm afraid of the end. The end of a war where we lose and our land is no longer ours. I think of the people who have already experienced this. It's as if the right to have your roots, to call the soil you were born on your own, was taken away from you. This scenario where there would be no peaceful Ukraine, where I couldn't go to see my family and friends when I wanted, is unbearable. How many people in Ukraine feel as I do?

The last NATO summit was a disappointment for me. Despite the many weapons and various budgets allocated to Ukraine – for which we are truly very grateful – the West is not giving us the main thing: aircraft we can use to attack without losing so many lives. This hesitation is costing us too dearly. The war has taken hold and things are standing still. I know we shouldn't say it, but we've run out of hope!

My heart is torn. It all feels like a battle against a deadly disease. We encourage each other, we fight, we give everything, but in the end, the Universe will decide in its own way, no matter what we do.

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