"Saturday, June 29, was Pride in Paris. I love this moment when we can show off our sexuality without being afraid. As at all gay Prides, we held a three-minute silence in tribute to the victims of AIDS. But it was different from other years. A few seconds before, there was a big scene, music, festivities and joy. Then suddenly, we heard the birds singing and the sound of car horns in the distance. We were united. Those minutes were special, as if we were living a last moment of freedom and unity. Tears came to my eyes. It was so strong. We looked at each other as if to say: that's strange, are we crying because we've had too much to drink? This Pride wasn't just a time to be naked in the street, it was so political, even more so than usual. It was as if the future of the country was at stake.
I feel a wave approaching. When [Emmanuel] Macron announced the dissolution [on June 9], my German friends and I felt like we were back in 1933, when [the German president] Hindenburg dissolved the Reichstag and opened the door to the Nazis. We all know how that turned out. Here we are again. What will it be like if the RN [Rassemblement National, far right] has an absolute majority? I don't know how big this wave will be, but I have a feeling it's coming. Will it really engulf us? Will we as LGBT people still have rights? Not knowing what lies ahead really scares me.
For me, being gay means coming out every day. It's not just what I went through when I was 18, it's something that happens all the time, with every new encounter. I grew up in a bubble where being gay wasn't a problem. But I realize that in Cologne [in west Germany], where I come from, as in Paris, things are changing. In some places I go, I think about how I dress, do I have to "hetero-ize" myself? I feel like I have to pay attention to what people think, I notice people looking at me strangely and I adjust my behavior. In general, I'm proud to give my boyfriend my hand, but at the moment I sometimes don't. "I can't wait until three weeks from now, when we can smash fags all we want": when I read that on social media, I wonder how far it's going to go... Tensions are rising.
I'm very lucid, I know I'm not living the same reality as all those French people who vote RN. As a young white man on a decent salary living in a big city with no money problems, I'm one of the privileged few. What's more, if I came face to face with someone who voted RN, I'd be unarmed. I know there are a lot of people who don't think they're racist, who vote that way because they think they can regain their purchasing power. And because they're afraid of immigration when in many places they don't even know about it. I've debated these issues once or twice in my life. But when I, who's financially comfortable and lives in Paris, say that there's no reason to be afraid of diversity, it doesn't carry any weight. I feel guilty, I tell myself that maybe I don't understand them. I don't have the same problems as them. So I'm useless, I can't convince them or help them? I don't want to excuse people who vote RN, but I feel so helpless in the face of their reality that I can't judge them.
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