What if being close to your children doesn't necessarily contribute to their happiness? That's the question American parents may be asking themselves after reading a graph shared by American psychologist Jean Twenge on the Substack platform. It shows two curves: one measures American high school seniors' satisfaction with their relationship with their parents; the other assesses their level of satisfaction with life in general. From 1976 to 2012, the two curves move in parallel, even converging in the 2000s. From 2012 onward, they move in opposite directions. American teenagers are increasingly happy with their relationship with their parents, but the curve representing their satisfaction with life plummets. Does this mean that, as relationships with parents improve, teenagers become less happy overall? What a slap in the face for parents, who might have thought that by being in tune with their children, we would make them happy!

Author of Generations (Atria Books, 2023), a book packed with statistics and graphs, Twenge bases her curves on data collected since 1976 by researchers at the University of Michigan, who each year enrich the epidemiological study Monitoring the Future through questionnaires administered in schools. She is alarmed by the increase in mental health problems among young Americans. Teenage depression figures doubled between 2011 and 2021, and the rate of girls who have ever considered suicide has never been higher (one in three).

The curve showing an improvement in satisfaction with the parent-child relationship in recent years has the advantage, she believes, of debunking the hypothesis that the growing malaise among young people is linked to increased parental pressure. They're doing badly, but at home, things are getting better and better. Still, according to the same data, in 2018, less than a third (30%) of senior school students said they had had at least five arguments in the last 12 months with their parents. This compares with almost half (48%) in 1986.

Are teenagers who no longer fight with their parents really good news? When the famous curves circulated on X, some found that, on the contrary, it was a cause for concern. Teenagers's quest for independence is a source of friction. A young person striving for freedom is supposed to quarrel with his or her parents. Is the absence of arguments a sign of a renunciation of independence?

"I'm really happy to see that children seem to have a good relationship with their parents. But then there's the rest of life: school, friends, love, hobbies, a sense of purpose, hope. When you're no longer asked to do the dishes, dropped off at school or sports, no longer doing odd jobs, you no longer have an opportunity to discover your skills," pointed out Lenore Skenazy, co-founder of the Let Grow movement, an American organization promoting independence in education.

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