You're missing out on your youth.

How can you know what you like if you don't have anyone else to compare it with?

Seriously, don't you want to look elsewhere?

Come on admit it, have you ever cheated on him?

Everyone we spoke to for this article has heard at least one of these phrases uttered by a friend or family member. What do they all have in common? They've had just one sexual partner in their lives. They arouse "fascination," "curiosity," sometimes "admiration," according to the people around them, and they are a rare breed.

It's true, they are a minority among the French, and their numbers are dwindling. The most recent figures available are those from the "Context of Sexualities in France" survey conducted in 2023 by the French National Institute for Health and Medical Research (INSERM) and the French National Institute for Demographic Studies (INED). The survey of 21,259 people aged 15 to 89 shows a noticeable increase in the average number of sexual partners over a lifetime. This increase is especially high among women, almost doubling over the last 20 years, from 4.5 in 2006 to 7.9 today. Among men, the average number of partners also increased, but less: From 11.5 to 16.4 today.

You have to go back to the 2006 survey to have more specific data about this rare breed: At the time, 33.6% of women and 16% of men said they had only ever known one sexual partner in their life (average across all age groups).

The 2006 survey noted a distinction between French people in their forties, who had experienced "the liberalization of sexual behavior," and the generation approaching 70. For example, among 65-69 year-olds, 57.5% of women claimed to have had only one sexual partner, almost twice as many as men in the same age group, with 26.9%. At 88, Marie (most first names have been changed) belongs to the "generation where we chose our partners less easily." In a soft voice, with her chosen words jotted down on a small piece of paper, she unfolds the life she spent with her husband, who died 10 years ago from cancer. After meeting at the age of 18 in the hospital where she worked and where he was being treated, the engagement was quickly sealed. But nothing more. "It was clear to us that we wouldn't sleep together until we were married," she recalls. "It wasn't said, but the rules were self-evident."

These "rules" are tinged with the Christian culture that permeates the southern French village where Marie grew up. INED and INSERM both point to the role played by religion in explaining the limited number of sexual partners among older generations. For Marie, the wedding night passed "without a sparkle." Looking back over 60 years of life with her husband, she says: "It's obvious that I could have experienced other things. Fidelity and commitment have meant a lot to me, but it's a difficult and frustrating choice on a personal level." She adds: "In terms of foreplay, I would have needed a lot more tenderness and words," but her husband "remained reserved." Marie tried several times to get him out of his shell, like the day she dragged him to a park bench, away from the ears of their four children. "But these discussions in search of something better were a monologue: I was the only one to explain what was wrong, what we could have done about it."

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