SEX ACCORDING TO MAÏA
Donald Trump's re-election to the American presidency, the Pelicot trial, the Depardieu trial opening and then adjourning, a 10% increase in the number of victims of domestic violence: To say the least, the last few days have not been kind to the female libido. In these times of antifeminist backlash, sexuality is more than ever a combat zone, but also, potentially, a space of reparation. So here's my practical guide, for men who have chosen to remain our allies under the comforter.
1. Accepting seduction
Taking women's views into account is one of the most exciting feminist advances of recent years, so let's start by reminding everyone that equality in bed ideally begins at the seduction stage. Yes, women are interested in men's bodies! To encourage carnal exchanges, and to return to your partners the form of politeness that is embellishing yourself for the other person, don't hesitate to pull out the double paraphernalia of passive seduction (focusing on your body, your clothes, your accessories) and active seduction (focusing on your behavior, your language and your ability to create favorable atmospheres).
Magazine recommendations: To learn how to enhance your appearance, head to the grooming pages of GQ Magazine (there's also fitness and fragrance advice).
2. Respect consent
Not forcing your partner to have sex is, of course, fundamental. But the problem with fundamentals is that we never tend to update them (says a columnist who persists in cooking her pasta carbonara with crème fraîche). But, the rules have changed a lot in recent years. Do you know the five principles that will help you avoid forcing your way in? Let me help you: Consent must be free, informed, specific, reversible and enthusiastic.
In addition to these simple rules, I suggest you take into account any sacrificial tendencies your partner may have: From childhood, women are encouraged to put the desires of others before their own. Under these conditions, it's best to be proactive to avoid pressure tactics: Don't describe your desires as "needs," don't insist, don't use emotional blackmail and be on the lookout for lip service.
Web recommendation: The US Department of Health and Human Services has a detailed page on informed consent, should you have any questions.
3. Take mental workload into account
To avoid the kind of tension that can lead to intimacy blockages, it's a good idea to take stock of who's doing what. This applies to the practical organization of intercourse (who checks that the room and bodies are reasonably welcoming?), contraception (which body is responsible for this, what are the consequences, who manages the logistics, who pays?), eroticism (who buys the sex toys and lingerie?) and even the emergence of desire (who takes care of the conditioning?). The less a woman is mentally burdened, the more brain time she has for pleasure.
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