HEAVEN — Charlie Kirk, faithful follower and witness of Jesus Christ, has been welcomed home to enter into the joy of his Lord.

Heavenly sources confirmed that, after 31 years of graciously allowing everyone on Earth to benefit from his life, God deemed the world unworthy of Charlie Kirk and brought him into eternal glory where he belonged.

A gifted and articulate apologist for Christianity and American values, Kirk was on record as stating that, despite building a massive following and influencing global events, "It's all about Jesus." Reports from Satan's kingdom, conversely, indicated that there was joy and celebration that such a formidable warrior had been taken out of the fight.

At publishing time, Charlie Kirk, good and faithful servant, had arrived into the open arms of his Savior.

Tony asks questions about everything in his life. Is he a crazy conspiracy theorist?