DENVER, CO — After starting the season with a 9-48 record, the Colorado Rockies have been officially demoted to a church softball league.

Major League Baseball had initially considered sending the Rockies down to the minor leagues, but ultimately felt that church softball was really more their lane as far as competition.

"We expect the Colorado Rockies to be a real contender for the tri-city church softball crown," said commissioner Rob Manfred. "They have their work cut out for them to dethrone the Baptist Bombers, but we believe the Rockies can really compete here. Having a much larger ball that must slowly drift above head level before dropping in the strike zone -- this is where they belong."

Major League Baseball made the difficult decision to relegate the Rockies after their most recent series against the Cubs, which saw the Rockies lose by a combined score of 78-3 and somehow had their leadoff hitter get struck out by the old lady who threw out the ceremonial opening pitch. "It was time. Past time," said Manfred. "Frankly, I'm trying to be upbeat, but I don't seem making the church softball playoffs. They've got the newlywed team 'Holy Matrimony' in their division, and the veteran team 'Disciples of Speed.' It's going to be tough sledding."

At publishing time, the Rockies had dropped a tough opener 7-9 to "Noah's Animals."

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