BROKEN BOW, NE — Local wife and mother Dana Fallcrest is baffled by the behavior of her home's heater, which she says keeps shutting off as soon as it hits 140°F.

"It's freezing in here!" Fallcrest complains daily. "I can't believe this thing won't get hotter than 140°. How do people live like this?!"

Thus far, her husband has brushed off concerns that the heater is broken, telling her to "just put on a sweater" and pointing out that "it's 80 degrees outside."

Her husband, who has asked to remain anonymous, says he's glad the heater won't go higher than 140°. "Honestly, I'm surprised it goes as high as it does. Every time she turns up the heat it melts our candles and our soda cans explode. Why would anyone make a heater that can do that? I'm gonna get heat stroke!"

But, according to Dana, 140° simply isn't hot enough. "Honestly, I won't be satisfied until the glass in our windows starts to melt. Then, I'll finally feel a bit more comfortable."

At publishing time, Dana Fallcrest consulted with a contractor about turning her home into a walk-in oven.

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