WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press briefing this morning, the White House praised the overwhelming success of "Bidenomics," as the average American now has twice as many jobs as they had two years ago.

"Thanks to the President's wonderful economic policies, most Americans have at least two jobs," said gay, black Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre to the raucous applause of hand-picked journalists in the room. "Our economists ran the numbers and found that's twice as many jobs as people used to have just a few years ago. So many jobs! Success!"

"Wow! Thanks, President Biden!" said local barista/hardware store clerk/landscaper/drive-thru worker/Uber driver Brett Barnes. "I'm just swimming in jobs right now! Just a couple more jobs and I'll be able to afford bread, eggs, AND milk! Bidenomics works!"

Vice President Kamala Harris also weighed in, saying: "Jobs are important. A Job is what you do for a job. Especially now, at this moment in our history, jobs are now a very important part of our history. Because jobs are what we do in history! You know what I mean? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

At publishing, Ukrainian President Zelensky also touted Biden's economic plan as "working pretty great."

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