MOSCOW — In a recent excursion to Russia, former Fox News host Tucker Carlson found himself in a state of bewildered amazement upon encountering a grocery store's automatic sliding doors.

As he approached the Russian grocery, Perekrestok, Carlson was caught off guard by the automatic sliding doors at the entrance. Witnesses report that Carlson stood frozen in his tracks, his eyes wide with fear and astonishment as the doors parted seamlessly before him.

"Do mine eyes deceive me? What is this dark magic?!" Carlson reportedly exclaimed, narrowly saving a member of his film crew from the mystical door's clutches. "The doors move, but without anyone moving them. This is clearly some sort of ancient Russian sorcery, possibly even alien, no doubt."

"The infuriating thing is that the U.S. Government has been hiding this power from us all along."

Sources close to Carlson suggest he spent several minutes throwing objects at the doors, stepping back and forth through the doors, and marveling at their seemingly impossible operation.

At publishing time, Tucker Carlson was finally located after having been missing for hours after entering the public restroom with an automatic sink and paper towel dispenser.

By now the whole internet has heard Ben Shapiro rapping, but did you know that there are actually two more verses they cut out of the track?