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Babylon Bee
The Babylon Bee
1 Apr 2023

NextImg:Trump's Been Indicted. Here Are The 9 Things That Happen Next

Now that former President Trump has officially been indicted, everyone wants to know how this whole ordeal will unfold. Here are the nine things that will be happening next:

  1. Trump will take the best, most beautiful mugshot the world has ever seen - that NFT is going to be YUGE.
  2. The entire NYPD will wait in line to take selfies with him - it's tough being a hated criminal.
  3. Trump will be stripped nude and marched through the city with a pagan priest yelling "shame!" and ringing a bell - pretty standard.
  4. Trump's lawyers will file to dismiss the case on the grounds that a man and his mistress can't be charged with the same crime - checkmate, Alvin!
  5. The judge will then determine Trump's guilt by having him tossed into the Hudson to see if he floats - luckily, Big Macs are pretty buoyant.
  6. Trump will be thrown in jail, where Epstein's prison guards will be called out of retirement for one last mission - uh oh!
  7. Dementors will attempt to suck Trump's life force away, but he will ward them off with a patronus of himself - we hear it takes the shape of a buffalo.
  8. Trump will escape prison by slowly tunneling his way out behind a poster of Stormy Daniels - brilliant.
  9. Every other politician is also arrested for their crimes - hahahaha just kidding!

It's going to be a wild few weeks! Buckle up!!

In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: