PALM BEACH, FL — Following former President Donald Trump's landslide victory in the Iowa Primary and immediate concession by GOP candidate Vivek Ramaswamy, Trump offered an olive branch by promising Vivek a cabinet position running the White House 7-Eleven convenience store.

Vivek gratefully accepted the honorable position from the future president.

"From the moment I entered this race, I was focused on one thing," said Vivek to reporters. "The chance to work for Donald Trump in any capacity whatsoever."

"I've always said Vimbik Rumpsalami was a great man, one of the greatest men, to be honest," said Trump during a victory speech in an Iowa cornfield while Iowans cheered through mouthfuls of corn. "That's why I've asked Rikki-Tikki-Tavi if he would accept the honor of running the White House 7-Eleven in the West Wing."

"In hindsight," said a thoughtful Ramaswamy while watching instructional Youtube videos on how to refill soda machines, "Perhaps I would have performed better in Iowa had I campaigned for myself rather than Trump."

The former pharmaceutical executive's face then brightened and he sighed, "At least I'm achieving my lifelong dream of being able to smell President Trump as he walks past to grab a corndog and a slushie..."

At publishing time, Trump had offered former republican candidate Asa Hutchinson the honorable position of McDonald's delivery guy.

As the country slowly increases in racism and right-wing bigotry, it’s important to ensure you don’t get caught up in their evil MAGA ways.