WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Great Negotiator has done it again: President Donald Trump recently unveiled a genius plan to give Israel and Palestine tablets to play with so that they'll stop fighting.

According to Trump, a solution to the Middle East conflict is well overdue, and it's about darn time someone shut up Israel and Palestine by letting them play with the tablets.

"Vance was against it, but I told him, 'Vance, little buddy, it works every time, just trust me on this,'" Trump told reporters. "It's really a masterpiece of foreign policy, as many excellent people are saying nowadays. Just look at how nicely they're playing together now, see? Obama would never have thought of this."

Trump clarified that he has further secured the situation by setting a strict parental controls configuration on the tablets, which won't let either Israel or Palestine onto the tablets' web browsers where they can access radicalizing content.

"I knew they'd try to watch YouTube as soon as I turned my back, so I put an extra special password on their tablets," Trump said proudly. "Besides, 'Hill Climb' and 'Angry Birds' ought to be more than enough for them, anyway."

At publishing time, Trump had also resolved the war between Russia and Ukraine by making Putin and Zelenskyy hold hands on the couch until they had worked things out.

Tony asks questions about everything in his life. Is he a crazy conspiracy theorist?