WASHINGTON, D.C. — Tensions continued to escalate both around the world and domestically, as President Donald Trump announced today that he has evidence that Congressman Thomas Massie was only weeks away from acquiring nuclear weapons.

The president's announcement coincided with increased disagreement with Massie over the Kentucky congressman's criticism of Trump ordering the bombing of Iranian nuclear sites as being unconstitutional. The president's ominous warning about Massie implied grave ramifications.

"There's only one way for us to deal with this," Trump told reporters in an impromptu press conference. "This guy Massie is bad news, ok? I have it on good authority that he has been enriching uranium to a very large degree and that he is only weeks away from having enough to build a bomb. We can't have that. I've been saying for over 20 years that Thomas Massie cannot be allowed to have nuclear weapons. We could've done this the easy way, but now it's going to get much worse, believe me."

Massie denied possessing any enriched uranium or working toward producing any nuclear weapons. "I don't even know where to get any uranium that I would enrich," he said. "This is all because I reminded everyone how declaring war is supposed to happen under our laws here in the United States. These allegations are ridiculous. Let the record show that any bunker-buster bombs dropped on my house will be unconstitutional."

At publishing time, Trump had reportedly informed Massie that he would be given two weeks to stop being a "total Constitution nerd" or face the consequences.

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