LANDOVER, MD — As part of a deal for the construction of a new stadium, the Washington Commanders, formerly the Washington Redskins, have agreed to change their name to the Washington Bloodthirsty Injuns.

"The winds have changed. Woke is out. Classic racial stereotypes are back in," said Adam Peters, the team's general manager. "Therefore, we have agreed, in exchange for support from the federal government, to change our name to the Washington Bloodthirsty Injuns as a way of honoring the noble bloodthirsty injuns of our nation's history."

"WOOOOOOOOO!" Cried thousands of ecstatic fans. "Go Bloodthirsty Injuns!"

Critics say the name change is insensitive, hearkening back to a time when bloodthirsty injuns were cruelly slandered by settlers as "bloodthirsty" and "injun."

"Me no likeum this name," said local tribal representative Chief Sitting Woodchuck. "I take many paleface scalps now."

The team has dismissed the concerns. "Changing the team name doesn't just secure additional funding for the project, it also promises to improve fan engagement," said a spokesperson for the Bloodthirsty Injuns. "The Commanders was such a generic-sounding name. We think people are really going to feel a connection to the Bloodthirsty Injuns."

At publishing time, the recent success of the Washington Bloodthirsty Injuns inspired the Cleveland Guardians to change their team name to the Cleveland Savages.

Liberal Brynnleigh travels back to 1933 Germany to erase a certain stain on humanity.