THE AMERICA ONE NEWS
Jun 3, 2025  |  
0
 | Remer,MN
Sponsor:  QWIKET 
Sponsor:  QWIKET 
Sponsor:  QWIKET: Elevate your fantasy game! Interactive Sports Knowledge.
Sponsor:  QWIKET: Elevate your fantasy game! Interactive Sports Knowledge and Reasoning Support for Fantasy Sports and Betting Enthusiasts.
back  
topic
Babylon Bee
The Babylon Bee
13 Nov 2024


NextImg:To Protest Coronation Of Aragorn, Orcs Announce Sex Strike

GORGOROTH, MORDOR — Orcs have banded together in protest of King Aragorn following his coronation in Minas Tirith, announcing a sex strike until he is dethroned.

"As an orc, my bodily autonomy matters and this is my way to exercise sovereignty over an Aragorn kingdom, you filthy man-flesh," said Stavruk, an orc fluent in common speech.

Screeches of "No more sex!", "My body, my choice!", and "Ovaries Before Brovaries!" have spread throughout the land of Mordor like wildfire, with some even reporting the sex strike spreading to orcs as far north as Dol Guldur.

In addition, orcs are reportedly encouraging each other to follow the tenets of the little-known 4G movement, as explained below:

The 4G Movement

  • Gork-Huzd - no heterosexual marriage

  • Gork-Uruk - no childbirth

  • Gork-Mug - no romance

  • Gork-Grak - no sex

"Gazat nar nog rot be meez soft skinz wiv Aragorn stiz king!" said one orc assigned female at birth. However, due to the wide variety of dialects in the Orc language, no one could translate. Still, she seemed angry.

At publishing time, the men of Gondor had reportedly been unmoved by the dramatic display, noting that a few less orcs in the world would be great.

BIG NEWS: We made a movie, and you can watch the trailer NOW: