U.S. — The winds of change in America were met with a new obstacle today, as self-professed members of the "Resistance" were upset to hear that the federal government was getting smaller.

After raging against the governmental machine for the last several months and vowing to resist what it perceived as totalitarian oppression, the "Resistance" raised a collective pained cry when news broke that the Trump administration had significantly decreased the size of the oppressive government.

"We are the Resistance! We will stand against Trump's government that he's making smaller!" said one angry masked person. "Trump is a fascist who wants to destroy this country and control every facet of our lives like we're living in The Handmaid's Tale! That's why he's… reducing the size and scope of the government."

Other members of the movement remained steadfast that they would push back against any attempts by the government to get smaller and less intrusive in the lives of everyday Americans. "It's up to us to make sure that we stand up!" said another anonymous protester. "The future of this country depends on us as we fight for a larger government that controls more of its citizens' lives."

At publishing time, the small, ragtag band of rebel activists vowed to one day restore the full, imposing size of the federal government to dominate the lives of citizens.

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