Few jobs are as specialized and challenging as that of the church sound guy. Performing in such a pivotal role requires tremendous skill and is not for the faint of heart. Are you embarking on the wild and unpredictable journey of running sound at your church?

The Babylon Bee has compiled the following helpful guide to serving as a church sound guy:

Memorize that list and you'll be well on your way to becoming an expert church sound guy.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.