WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources within the Trump administration, Texas Republicans tipped off the State Department about the city of Austin being in possession of nuclear weapons.

Senator Ted Cruz of Texas was seen meeting with Secretary of State Marco Rubio at the Harry S. Truman Building to discuss the danger of Austin obtaining nuclear weapons and what measures should be taken to prevent the situation from growing more dangerous.

"I have it under good authority that they have nukes buried underground there somewhere," Cruz said, conveying a message he received from Texas Governor Greg Abbott. "He wouldn't lie. He's in a wheelchair."

Speculation persisted that Texas Republicans were merely tired of their Democrat-leaning capital city and wanted it nuked from orbit so they could move the state's capital to San Antonio. An alleged leaked phone call from the governor's office to state representatives indicated that Republicans believed it was the only way to truly remember the Alamo and rescue Texas from the "woke mind virus."

President Trump had not yet said if he would take any action against Austin for having nuclear weapons. "I prefer to make up my mind a second before I do anything," said Trump. "I can't tell you because I haven't made up my mind yet. But nothing is off the table, up to and including the complete annihilation of every man, woman, and child in Austin."

At publishing time, Tesla CEO Elon Musk announced plans to relocate his companies' operations however far from Austin as would be necessary to be outside of the blast radius.

These British police officers are keeping the streets safe from dangerous weapons.