SAN FRANCISCO, CA — A local teacher was forced to schedule a conference with a student's parents to express growing concern that their young son Johnny is not transitioning up to his full potential.

"I had such high hopes for Johnny," said teacher Lori Jameson (who transitions to "Lawrence" on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but remains "Lori" on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays). "He seemed like such a bright little boy when the school year began, but we're at Spring Break now, and he still hasn't expressed a desire to transition to a different gender. So disappointing!"

Johnny's parents were surprised to receive a call from the teacher. "He's just a kid, for crying out loud!" said Johnny's father, Rupert. "Why should he be thinking about transitioning? And why does his teacher Lawrence wear dresses three days a week?" Johnny's mother, Denise, was confused by the teacher's concern as well. "Even if Johnny is going to get his mind completely warped and damaged, I thought that would come much later — like high school," she said. "Expecting him to question his gender identity in kindergarten and pre-school is a bit of a stretch!"

The teacher was not satisfied with the level of concern shown by Johnny's parents. "If he doesn't start talking about turning into a girl soon, I'll have to start questioning my abilities as a schoolteacher," said Lawrence (who had now decided to be "Lawrence" on alternating Mondays). "If I don't get this kid transitioned, who will?"

At publishing time, the teacher had escalated the issue to the principal's office, where it was believed Johnny's parents would be forced to undergo gender sensitivity training.

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