SACRAMENTO, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom has reportedly been advised by his closest supporters to stop doing meth before posting on social media for the sake of his political career.

"We care about you, Gavin," said Chandice Willem, a local drug dealer and constituent, while sitting in a half circle around Newsom in an impromptu intervention. "But you got to cool it on the crank before posting on Twitter. You're making a fool of yourself."

According to sources, Newsom, who has taken to modeling his own life after Trump, began taking meth in an effort to keep up with Trump's chaotic social media schedule. "The man never sleeps. I need something to give me a little more edge," Newsom reportedly confided in his wife shortly before ranting on social media in all caps about how everyone who wants to shut down illegal immigration is a literal Nazi from 1940's Germany.

"THEYR'E ALL FASCISTS! I COULD THROW ANY OF THEM OUT OF A BUILDING WATCH ME DO IT! THERE ARE SPIDERS IN MY BRAIN!" Newsom posted most recently on X, formerly Twitter.

Meth has cost Newsom his nuance and deniability, critics said. The cold and calculating comments of a politician have been replaced with the delusional ravings of a man on uppers. And though they're not certain when he started doing meth, it's likely it happened around the time he began arresting people alone on the beach and filling skate parks with sand. "That's classic meth behavior," said D.A.R.E. instructor and police officer Vincent Tolliver.

At publishing time, Gavin Newsom was admitted to the hospital after overdosing on meth.

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