NEW YORK, NY — In addition to announcing that music star Bad Bunny would be performing, the National Football League issued a follow-up statement revealing that the Super Bowl halftime show would also feature authentic MS-13 backup dancers.

Though critics blasted the NFL's decision to give the coveted halftime performance slot to an outspoken left-wing artist, the league doubled down by enlisting the help of actual Venezuelan gangbangers to participate in the show.

"It's important for us to make it as diverse and inclusive as possible," said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. "If we're going to put the spotlight on an admitted supporter of illegal aliens, why not go the extra mile and ask some truly dangerous and violent migrant gang members to put on a little show for us? We'll make sure it's safe for our fans. Or as safe as it can be to have a group of criminals roaming around freely."

One MS-13 member was excited for the opportunity. "Órale, vato, it's a great honor," said Enrique Velasquez, who proudly claims to have murdered 17 people. "We get to share the Super Bowl stage with one of our biggest supporters in Bad Bunny, plus I hear the Super Bowl is a great place for industrious human traffickers like myself. It should be a great weekend for business, know what I'm sayin'? Thanks a lot, NFL. I really feel… what is it, included? Yeah, included."

At publishing time, the NFL said that it hoped to make it through the Super Bowl with as few crimes committed by its halftime act as possible.

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