U.S. — In some exciting news for your hometown, multiple studies have determined that the little diner you love down the road is the best breakfast place in the world.

Thousands of greasy spoon diners were reviewed by experts, and it was unanimously determined that there's just nothing like the delicious breakfast served at your local joint at reasonable prices.

"There's really nothing on Earth like this place," said Kim Flanders, a food journalist covering the study. "If you're looking for a place that serves scrambled eggs, hash browns, and stale coffee in a little diner mug kept constantly full by an old bird named 'Betty' or 'Karla' who calls you 'hun,' you can't do better than this. It might be the best-kept secret of the culinary world."

Sources confirmed that this place serves basically the same breakfast food as every other diner in the nation, but this one is just better somehow, and you wouldn't understand.

"From the giant pancakes, to the hand-written 'CASH ONLY' sign at the register, to the chalkboard advertising specials that hasn't been changed in years, this is the best restaurant in the world," said one food expert who lives in your hometown. "Come here sometime and get the special omelet that's named after the town. It's great if you put some Tabasco on it."

At publishing time, multiple studies had also confirmed that the best chili on the planet is made at your local fire department chili cook-off.

Tony asks questions about everything in his life. Is he a crazy conspiracy theorist?