U.S. — As struggling American citizens finished filing their taxes this week, many expressed hope that their small contributions will be instrumental in getting the national debt down to a much more manageable $34 trillion.

"We know this national debt is a real problem, and we're just happy we can help out," said one couple who just spent the money they were saving for a car to pay an unexpectedly high tax bill for 2023. "We know the government is doing everything it can to use our money wisely and address the debt issue. That really makes the pain of paying taxes worthwhile."

Mike Johnson, the Republican in charge of all the nation's spending, echoed the sentiment. "Yeah I really want to do something about this debt. We'll be sure to address it after we've spent the necessary funds on Ukraine, Israel, Iran, Mexico, Canada, Haiti, Gaza, Saudi Arabia, entitlement spending, military spending, and every single earmark the Democrats want to spend money on. Whatever's left over, we'll totally throw at the debt. For sure."

At publishing time, the national debt had climbed to $36 trillion.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.