MINAS TIRITH — Denethor II, son of Ecthelion II, the Steward of Gondor, announced plans to officially recognize Mordor as a sovereign state at an upcoming Council of Men.

Gondor had long been at battle with the forces of Mordor, but according to Denethor, enough was enough. "You may triumph on the field of battle for a day, but against the power that has risen in the East, there is no victory," Denethor reportedly told a visiting White Wizard. "Therefore, I intend to give in to all of their demands and recognize them as a sovereign state worthy of existence."

According to sources, Denethor had long endorsed a two-state solution but never officially proposed it as long as his son Boromir was willing to fight. But now with his other son, Faramir, suggesting that Gondor fight to the last man, Denethor saw new wisdom in appeasing the Dark Lord Sauron.

"Really, who are we to tell them they can't invade Rohan?" Denethor said. "Therefore, I shall recognize them as a state and invite them to join the family of kingdoms. I'm sure they've only been trying to attack us because they want to exist, not because they hate us. I'm sure we will now be great friends."

"We should also give them the One Ring," Denethor added. "It originated there. It's ancestral, in that sense. It's not like they will use it to destroy the race of Men or something."

At publishing time, the Dark Lord Sauron sent a celebratory legion of soldiers to Minas Tirith to storm the gates and congratulate the Steward of Gondor on his good critical thinking skills.

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