WASHINGTON, D.C. — After some confusion among the White House press corps over how the executive branch operates, White House Deputy Chief of Staff for Policy Stephen Miller helpfully stepped in with a pair of sock puppets to explain how the Constitution works.
"Let's all use our listening ears, class," began Stephen Miller as he gestured with a sock puppet. "I'm glad for the opportunity for a brief civics lesson with you and to help you all understand at your level, I've brought in Constitutional Connor and Silly Socko."
"Zoinks! I just lost my job at the Social Security Administration and that makes me really sad... and MAD," began puppet Silly Socko on the verge of puppet tears. "And it's all because of ELON MUSK, who wasn't even ELECTED!"
"There, there, Silly Socko," piped in a cheery, empathetic Constitutional Connor. "A president is elected by the whole American people. He's the only official in the entire government who is elected by the entire nation. Right?"
"Yeah, you must know all about that since you are Constitutional Connor!"
"It's all in the name, Socko! So the Constitution, Article Two, has a clause, known as the Vesting Clause, and it says, 'The executive power shall be vested in a PRESIDENT'. Singular. The whole will of DEMOCRACY is imbued into the one elected PRESIDENT, who is now Donald Trump. That president then appoints STAFF — like Elon Musk — to then impose that democratic will onto the government."
"Yeah, that makes sense, I guess. But I'm still really mad at Elon MUSK! AAAAHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Silly Socko.
"Thanks, for clearing that up, Constitutional Connor," chimed in the real Stephen Miller to wrap things up. "And cheer up, Silly Socko, you can get just as good a job in some new and different line of work where you can actually be productive in society!"
"Ah, shucks!" replied Silly Socko.
"That's all for me today; that's your lesson for today," said Stephen Miller as he gave the podium back to the White House press secretary.
At publishing time, Stephen Miller had received an offer to head up a children's educational program on One America News Network.
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