U.S. — State Farm has begun offering optional extra car insurance coverage for protection against customers' cars being torched by psychotic weirdos with purple hair.

In addition to having the flexibility to add protection against hail, flooding, and tornadoes, State Farm customers will now be able to also insure against damage from liberal nutjobs hurling Molotov cocktails at their vehicles.

"Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there -- to protect you from mentally unstable purple-haired freaks," said Jake, spokesman for State Farm. "Rest easy knowing State Farm will cover your car being spraypainted, dinged with motorized scooters, or set on fire. You can also score amazing discounts when you bundle protection from theft, collision, and deranged androgynous wackos. Come talk to an agent today!"

State Farm decided to begin offering the coverage option after claims for damage due to left-wing loons began to exceed that from road collisions. "It's really a great investment, depending on the vehicle," explained agent Tom Reese. "If you live in a small town, of if you drive a Subaru, we don't recommend it. You're clear. Anyone else, you should really consider adding State Farm's exclusive 'purple weirdo' protection package."

At publishing time, State Farm had announced a discount on the protection plan for anyone who had the updated Tesla "Battle Robot" package.

The Founding Fathers didn't always agree behind closed doors.