JERUSALEM — After much research, scholars have officially concluded that the "thorn in the flesh," which the apostle Paul laments in his second letter to the Corinthians, was very likely a leaf blower.

"Paul beloved in Christendom for his extreme devotion to Christ, but we have to remember that he is just a man and there's nothing men hate more than their pesky neighbors cranking up a leaf blower at 7 AM," said Dr. Benjamin Stein, a researcher at École Biblique et Archéologique Française de Jérusalem. "It's a wonder Paul didn't report his neighbor to the Sanhedrin to have him stoned."

Researchers working in the levant and surrounding areas argue there is significant archaeological evidence for first century leaf blowers, which they say were used to clear leaves from synagogues and other religious sites.

"Just picture it. Paul is there trying to preach Christ and his neighbor won't stop blasting that infernal racket across the neighborhood," a line in the peer-reviewed paper Noise Pollution In Early Palestine reads. "This would explain Paul's habit of working late into the evening as evidenced by Acts 20:7-12.

At publishing time, a fresh examination of the Old Testament discovered that during the Exodus, God smote Egypt with an 11th plague of leaf blowers that wouldn't ever turn off, which experts say was what actually caused Pharaoh to relent.

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