SEVENTH CIRCLE, HELL — Satan announced over Hell's public address system this morning that game of the day would once again be "The Floor Is Lava."

The game, initially started on earth as a children's game where kids jump from object to object to avoid touching the floor, has become a favorite of Lucifer.

"Alright all you damned souls out there, guess what today's game is? The FLOOR. IS. LAVA!" said Satan, cackling with glee. "Oh, it's turned up extra hot today, folks. It's gonna be a great one. See you all at three."

According to Grufflebeard, a junior assistant devil, an increasing number of souls have begun complaining about Hell's signature game. "Those wretches are really ungrateful," Grufflebeard said. "We go to all the trouble of setting up a good space with real, boiling lava, and all they want to do is gripe about how much it burns when they fall in. Such crybabies."

At publishing time, Satan had announced that Hell's residents could also play Chutes and Ladders, but no one took him up on the offer.

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