SAN FRANCISCO — The situation in San Francisco has deteriorated to the degree that now passing ruffians are saying "Ni!" at will to old ladies.

Even San Franciscans involved in the arranging and selling of shrubberies have fallen under considerable economic stress. "Despite repeat customers asking for another shrubbery, times are hard," said a local man named Roger. "We literally have a cart that goes up and down the streets of San Francisco to collect the bodies. It's bad out here."

According to locals, the Golden Gate Bridge has become impassable, guarded by a crazy old man who accosts tourists with questions. "The animals have also become violent, especially the rabbits," said a local man named Tim. "The streets are filled with the remains from the horrific attacks. Look at the bones!!"

At publishing time, the ruffians who had been saying "Ni" had also fallen under severe duress due to hearing a particular word spoken. However, it could not be determined what it was, so people kept saying it.

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