WASHINGTON, D.C. — Soon after presenting a new spending bill that adds billions of dollars to the federal deficit, Republicans helpfully explained to constituents that deficit spending is only bad when Democrats do it.

"We know you all don't like deficit spending, but this is totally different," said House Speaker Mike Johnson in a press conference. "This is Republican deficit spending. You see, it's different because Republicans are doing it, which is good."

"We hope that helps clear up all the confusion."

Experts who fact-checked the Speaker's claim have admitted that Republicans are now the ones who are overspending, which is indeed different than when the Democrats do the overspending. "His logic is unassailable," said a source withing the Congressional Budget Office.

Republicans also confirmed that the funding of Planned Parenthood in their bill was actually Republican funding of Planned Parenthood, and that the overspending on defense and entitlements in their bill was actually Republican overspending on defense and entitlements. "See? It's much better when we're the ones doing this," explained Speaker Johnson.

At publishing time, Republicans had assured nervous Americans that the job of bankrupting the country would be handed back over to the Democrats in 2 years.

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