PROVIDENCE, RI — A proud parent whose child just enrolled in a university other than Harvard is reportedly so proud that they've decided to slap a "My kid didn't go to Harvard" bumper sticker on their car.

"Not going to Harvard is one of the clearest indications that someone has intelligence, character, and common sense," said parent Susan Grantwood as she wiped away a tear. "I'm just... so, so proud of my son."

"Wow, their kid didn't go to Harvard. Lucky!" said one passerby. "That woman must have done a great job raising her kids!"

Sources confirmed the "My kid didn't go to Harvard" bumper sticker sits next to a second bumper sticker about one of the children finishing a marathon, and yet another bumper sticker commemorating a daughter's first-place finish in a national ballet competition.

"I love all my talented kids," said Grantwood. "But Stevie is my favorite because he's not going to Harvard."

At publishing time, several thousand parents had been seen discretely removing their "My Kid Goes To Harvard" bumper stickers and throwing them away in shame.

Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.