WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprise announcement, Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi confirmed she will be seeking reelection for yet another 2-year term of lucrative insider trading.

"I have long served the people of San Francisco in Congress by enriching myself with privileged information while my hometown descends into chaos," said Pelosi in a statement. "With your support, I hope to continue my important work for another 2 years. Good morning, Sunday morning."

The mayor of San Francisco celebrated the announcement on Friday. "Our city has long been a place of lawless greed and theft, and we're proud to see Mrs. Pelosi bring those values to Washington," said Mayor London Breed while brushing broken glass off the front seat of her car. "Give us 2 more years of Pelosi!"

Pelosi vowed that if elected she would redouble her commitment to becoming filthy rich via insider trading in Washington and maybe even pay off her yacht and her 3rd summer home.

At publishing time, Pelosi's husband Paul had also issued a statement, begging voters to please send his wife back to D.C. for a couple more years.

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