PEARLY GATES — Rock legend Ozzy Osbourne sought to do away with some of the confusion about his life on Earth when arriving at the entrance to Heaven, clarifying to St. Peter that he was just joking about the whole Satanism thing.

After the end of his earthly life, Osbourne was seen by angelic witnesses explaining to St. Peter that his time spent surrounding himself with ghoulish, macabre decor and biting the heads off of bats was just for show.

"About all that satan-worship stuff, you know that was just an act, right, mate?" Osbourne was heard saying to St. Peter. "That ‘I'm the devil' biz was just a bit of flashy stage presence, yeah? Crazy way to get attention and set y'self apart from other bands, innit? I know it might seem like I'm evil and whatever, but y'gotta understand I'm down with the man upstairs, yeah, mate?"

One angelic insider reported that St. Peter remained skeptical. "I'm not sure he was buying it," the source said. "Ozzy was adamant that he's been a God-fearing Christian his whole life, and that his persona of being a blood-drinking, Satan-worshipping demon-king was just an attempt to put on a good show. At least that's what it sounded like he was saying. I can't be totally sure."

At publishing time, Osbourne had been granted probationary access to Heaven pending further review.

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